Saturday, March 1, 2014

Hate and Love

Tonight I was lying in bed and searching for something inspiring to read on my smart phone. I have a bunch of LDS apps and I hadn't used the LDS blogs one much. So I went on there and looked a few blogs including the Al Fox blog which is pretty famous in the LDS culture as the tattooed girl that has an amazing testimony and love of the gospel. Then I came across The Well Behaved Mormon Woman blog and chose to check it out at random among the other blogs that looked less intriguing (judging by their titles).

It quickly occurred to me that this was the blog (or one of them anyway) where someone took a strong stance about the recent Disney Movie, Frozen, and about how its shaped completely from "the gay agenda" and is liberal and progressive and yada-yada. I actually hadn't seen a link to this blog post before but I did see links to blog posts on facebook about responses to this blog post (or something exactly like it).

My experience while reading this blog post was quite incredulous. I felt shock and embarrassment that this woman would choose to represent the church I know and love this way. I guess that she would choose to represent Christ this way, is the shocking part. The other hard to swallow part is that she is clearly coming out strong against not only the movie, but gays, and liberals and progressives- but then she also states that she is not against gays, has a liberal mormon friend, and that she loves the movie. WHAT?!?!?! I feel a sense of whiplash because I don't know what part is true- I mean is both of it true- she loves it and she hates it? Or she loves it but she's going to bash it and all people who have same sex attraction- anyway?

I don't even think I can start to believe what she is saying because she spends so much of the post just rambling on and on without giving evidence. Then finally- if you scroll down a mile and a half she starts talking about why and how the message HAS TO represent the progressive agenda and gay people. And what she doesn't say but to me, it seems clear is that because this movie is clearly all about gays and their struggles, that those of us who are all about man+woman is marriage should shun it. But then again, she says that she loves the movie and has seen it several times. So, um...another round of whiplash. Is she saying its good or its bad?? I'm confused. Her message is pretty confusing to me!

Here's what I think. I think there are a lot of ways that people can see this movie. I don't think it completely and perfectly parallels any one of the struggles people face and feel they have to hide. What I do love about this movie is that it picked up on a general undertone of society today- and that is learning to love and accept yourself exactly as you are. And not just that, but loving and accepting other people exactly as they are. Of course that applies to gays as well. Is that really a bad thing? They have a very real struggle. Their families have a very real struggle, especially when they are growing up LDS or another Christian based faith that doesn't view homosexual activities as pure.

Another thing that I don't like about most Frozen blog posts is that everyone seems to only focuses on the "Let it go" part. It's like they completely miss the part where Elsa realizes that her actions do affect other people and she can't just go be free and live alone. She realizes that she has a responsibility to her kingdom and to her sister. In the end she sees her freezing problem as something fun and useful. I guess I don't see how that part parallels gay marriage equality. Maybe I'm just really naive or uninformed. I apologize. I don't really have close friends who are openly homosexual. Maybe I'm living in a bubble and one day it will burst.

I feel many things after reading this post. Sadness, because I think that most devout Mormons aren't all about bashing gays or Disney movies, or just being full-on paranoid. Somewhat paranoid too, I guess reading a post from a paranoid perspective makes me feel extra paranoid! Maybe the solution to the problem isn't in reviling but in showing more love and expressing your perspective in a respectful and more easy to read manner. I feel kind of annoyed too. I have been wanting to move back to Utah and this just reminds me of the bipolar-ism that exists there between everyone who has a black or white view. It seems like the members there can't stay on the same page and are basically at war with themselves. Its just not like that in Texas. But you also don't have a culture that is centered around family and the same traditions like Utah is. Sometimes when I've visited Utah I've felt like I have had to hide who I really am so the HATERS don't bash and rail against me!

When I first moved down here I was so afraid of everyone- because none of my neighbors were LDS. Some of them claimed to be Christian but all the Christian churches today are changing with society and so I think that in the end, the LDS church may be the only one who really holds traditional views of marriage and follows all ten commandments! Anyway, I was seriously scared to get to know anyone! What if they find out I don't drink or "party"!? They'll want an explanation and I'll have to talk about my church and then they'll hate on me and I'll feel like I have to hide...I'm just gonna stay hidden so I don't have to deal with all of that! Anyway, that is what used to go through my mind. That went on for a couple of years and then I just ended up going inactive and stepping away from the church and thinking that everyone else must be right and I must be wrong- because I've lived my entire life around almost all LDS people who live a certain way and now that I'm around people that are just people- all sorts- I'm not sure who to believe or WHAT!!

So I was inactive and doing my own thing- trying to discover my own truth for about a year or less, maybe. But I got so, so lonely. The church was the only way I had friends. I didn't really know how to make friends with just the people around me. There weren't any givens with them. I would have to figure them out from scratch! Eek!!! Scary! I did make a few friends with some really good people and tried their truth on for size. Ultimately I felt confused and I slowly began to realize that at least for me "you can take the Mormon out of Utah, but you can't take the 'Utah Mormon girl' out of me". That probably doesn't make much sense to several people reading this. But what I mean was that in my heart and mind and soul I was still this Mormon girl who was confused and not sure of herself at all. I had lived a life where I looked to everyone else to tell me who I should be. I don't know why I did this and I'm not trying to assign someone else the blame of it all.

But just for the fun of it, we can just reflect. Was it the culture that created this for me? Was it ingrained from my family? Did I choose to believe this way because that is just who I am? Maybe all of those things played a part. Here is another question. Is it really so wrong to look to other people and your "tribe" to define yourself? Isn't it a given? For those "energy people" out there, its the base/root chakra energy that being all stirred up! Some of you are probably like- "wait aren't YOU one of those weird energy people!?!" That's what a massage lady at the gym asked me recently when I requested that, at the end of my massage, she wipe my back off (so as to neutralize any tension in my muscles). I was confused, not even sure if I was one of those "energy people"...what does that mean?

Here I go now, just rambling on like that other lady. You see, that's why you don't hate on people and their dumb blog posts! Because you just end up doing the same thing!! Actually I've seen some really thoughtful blog posts that obviously were written with great care and thought, so it might just be my temperament or something.

So what's the point, Trish? You're supposed to have one, you know, because you're a dominant type 3!! There is a point and I guess it's just that this sort of thing just stirs up a lot for me. The positive thing is that I know that I'm not the only one who's got stuff going on that's getting stirred up. Gay people aren't the only ones with issues! Surprise! The thing is that once you play the "insecurity" card against someone it really it just a reflection of yourself. If you feel irked by someone then its really about something within you that wants to be resolved. Its something within you that isn't whole. That's why love is always going to win. You can't win with hate, you only create more hate. I've tried playing that card and it just never gets me far. The love card goes a lot further.

I don't understand the struggles that homosexuals face. But I do understand my own struggles. Do I want to keep them hidden? Yeah, most of the time. It seems like if I can minimize them then for a time they sort of just evaporate or go invisible. Yes I do feel really insecure about my struggles. Yes I'm afraid I would be alienated by people because of my struggles if I opened up completely and let them all out. Because the thing is, the people who would do that are comparing my weaknesses to their own strengths and they aren't even thinking about where they are falling short. We all are falling short. In some way. Some of us have addictive behavior patterns, some of us have same sex attraction, some of us are more mean than necessary, some of us a lot of us have lots of unresolved issues from our childhood.

What I wish that LDS people would understand is that the world isn't somehow more sinful than it ever has been. If you think that then you haven't read the Bible or the Book of Mormon in their entirety because some of those people were pretty darn wicked. You see anyone around here sacrificing children and women to idols? Do you see people murdering their family members and sleeping with a sword? I'm not going to say that those things are absolutely not happening at all anywhere in the world today (because how am I supposed to know, I'm just a blogger- and one who is rarely read by anyone!). But do you see that happening? There are some things that society is succeeding at. But the thing is, there has ALWAYS been wickedness in the world. Ever since the fall. Any sin is TOO MUCH SIN. That is why we all need the atonement of Jesus Christ. Don't look at someone and say that their sin is worse than yours. See their sins and offer your love. Then maybe they'll feel like they are worth it after all, and maybe then they'll start trying again. Many people have given up and lost hope of ever being good or coming close. That is why, instead of offering your judgments upon them you offer them your love.

I know that seems like a huge standard. I know I'm not perfect at it. I'd love to say that I was the perfect example of this and then tell everyone how to be as amazing as I am. But no I guess all I can say is that I'm human, you're human. Forgive yourself, forgive others. Christ condemned sin but not imperfect people. He showed love and offered us the ultimate hope and ability to overcome our temptations and challenges. He is there for you and for me if we only seek Him out.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Bottom line...its about FAMILY

There are so many things I want to blog about and I don't know if I ever will be able to blog about them. I was talking to a Dad at the park the other day (he was swinging his daughter next to me swinging my son) and he told me he works from home as a writer. So I told him that I like writing too but I'm pretty sure no one will pay me to write. He replied that of course they would! All of this without knowing if my writing is good or crap. I don't even know that. I just know that I write what is on my mind and I guess its up to the reader to decide if its worthy of anything or not.

Oh my gosh, the most amazing thing just happened. My sons were in their room (they were supposed to be cleaning it), and suddenly I realize its silent. So I go and check on them and sure enough, they are sound asleep. BOTH OF THEM!!! AT THE SAME TIME!!! AHHHH!!! THE CROWD MOM GOES WILD!!! Thank you Angels, Jesus, whoever made that possible!!

After some thought, I think I know what I want to blog about. I wish I could write the perfect blog post that would be so clear and eloquent and everyone would just ooh and aww about it. However, I don't think that I typically write those kind of blog posts so I guess this will just be whatever it is.

I sense that there is so much war going on in the world. And some of the war is with guns and knives and some of it is with words and/or physical violence. And some of the war is on facebook and in blog posts and/or replies. And what's interesting about war is how it just begets more war. I get upset sometimes about certain phenomenons that I discover (and believe are just wrong) that are going on in the world. Part of me is upset because I feel kind of helpless to stop what is happening. And then part of me thinks- whatever- I am just going to write something that will show the world they are just wrong!

And so, my retaliation against whatever "wrong" I perceive is kind of me fighting back, and just more war. And then I'm sure the people who disagree with me are ready to fight back! (Or ignore me and hope I just shut up!) And anyway, I just wonder if fighting back is the right answer or if just trying to be more Christlike is the right answer. There IS A POINT, however that I think a sharp reprimand is called for. But I have to face the fact that if I am giving "a sharp reprimand" then well, am I perfect enough to even stand there and say that?

On the other hand, saying and doing nothing when I perceive that some injustice is happening doesn't seem like a good option. Perhaps this is where good language skills come in to play. I'm always impressed with the language on these early 1900s shows like Pride and Prejudice or Downton Abbey. The characters (though well rehearsed) always have a reply that is eloquent and well thought out- and immediate! How do they do that? Oh yeah, they memorize the script! But I mean, did people back then have much better language because they practiced language more? I mean, I read (or started reading rather) this book written by a man who lived back then and it was so eloquent (and hard to understand for me) that I guess people did speak like that all the time back then. I think that is part of the draw-in of Downton Abbey, perhaps the other part is the drama of it all and then there's the element of feminism that started back then and is clearly still alive and well today (even if it now has new agendas).

I saw this quote somewhere:

"Praise what you love instead of bashing what you hate."

I keep thinking about that. I mean, it sounds good but I guess if what I hate keeps deceiving people to spend time in ways that will create problems for society then shouldn't I bash it? For example, debt. Shouldn't we all be bashing debt? Shouldn't there be more "Dave Ramsey" people/followers using CASH (aka real money) instead of just subconsciously swiping the card time and time again?! And not just doing it but telling people that this is the right way to do it! Companies have been deceiving people for so long with debt and lies and distancing them from the real feeling that they get from using cash and now this entire nation is filled with debt and people who feel entitled to every material blessing under the sun (in spite of the level of their personal level of dedication to hard work). 

It just seems like THIS IS SOMETHING THAT SHOULD BE BASHED!! HARD CORE!!!

And then there's feminism. And my facebook friends all know that I recently posted a nice little bash about feminism the other day. Here is what I don't understand about it, and how it is that some people think its so great... If you are specifically FOR WOMEN and their rights, and their education, and their level of _____ in society then WHAT ABOUT MEN?? Should we be for BOTH MEN AND WOMEN having rights and education and achieving success? I can hear the feminists now- "But men are already successful...blah, blah, blah..." WELL, ARE THEY??

If divorce is still around 50% then how can we say that men are winning? If boys are not performing as well in school as girls and dropping out and once they grow into men- are they winning? Are boys and girls who grow up without a father figure in their life WINNING? A daughter without a strong father figure in her life goes looking for someone to validate her worth, and often its through a boy who is just looking for some fun and pleasure. A boy without a father figure in his life doesn't have anyone to lead him to be a successful provider for his future family. You know, the one who thinks they don't need him in the first place?

It seems like these feminists no longer agree that family is most valuable. Because to them, achievement outside of the home is what is a worthy endeavor. Working mom: "What do you do all day, stay at home mom? Because I work all day." There are women out there saying this, every day. HELLO AND WAKE UP!!! YOU ARE SO, SO, SO WRONG!!

You know what really IS an appreciating asset in today's world? Women who CAN have children, and the children they can have. (Infertility crisis anyone?) And not only that, but women who WANT TO BE MOTHERS, and women who want to take center stage in the lives of their children. And not only that, but WOMEN who choose marriage, choose to have children, AND THEN- THEY KEEP WANTING TO BE A MOM AND FEEL VALUABLE AS A HUMAN BEING, YES- JUST BEING A MOM!!! Can a child be replaced? Can a mother be replaced? But how about a secretary, a teacher, an engineer, a counselor? Any mom who works outside the home could be replaced should something happen to her. But a mom who works diligently inside the home CANNOT BE REPLACED. NO ONE, NOT ANYONE cares for the wellbeing of her child/children as much as their mother. I don't care how low her self-esteem is. I don't care if she feeds her kids food from the frozen section of Walmart. That's not the point. The point is SHE IS THEIR MOM. NO ONE CAN CHANGE THAT!! AND THEY ARE HER CHILDREN. And if she values her husband's ability to provide and her ability to mother to her own personal ability, and because she values the people who her children become- then yes she will give up all of these crazy ideals in society that she can "HAVE IT ALL" by working her life away and sending the government more money.

The progressive thinkers of today want us to quit thinking that Mothers and Fathers are an essential part of society today. They start by giving women the belief that raising their family by being a homemaker is completely worthless. Then they slap on their feminist logos and say that a woman without an education and a career is nothing. She is nothing if she isn't being taxed by the government. Oops, did I say that out loud?! You mean, the government WANTS women to work so they have MORE PEOPLE to tax? They are the ones who print the money...so hey wait that does make sense! I get it now! Before I get carried away, I do feel strongly that every woman has the right (or should have) to education. (Just  bear in mind that the government has their hand over public education too, so I mean, maybe we need to rethink about education a little bit. I mean, beyond basic life skills...)

What I think is that we need more women who believe in FAMILY. Women who LOVE to be at home and who KNOW THEIR WORTH. We need more women and men who want to create a successful marriage together. Women and men who will spend time (and money on "other people's wives") so that they can get married!! We need women and men who want to be good mothers and fathers.  Because too many people in society today don't care about what happens to their children. They just send them off to daycare and assume "its all good". We need men who are willing to work and provide for their family. We need young men and young women who value each other enough to not get involved with promiscuity and immorality and bring children into the world that first off they cannot afford, and second- will forever feel the sting of being "not wanted" because they were adopted, and third- fill their entire lives with the regret of aborting their unborn child and never knowing what might have been. (I will say also, that in reality- adopted children ARE LOVED AND WANTED by the good people who adopt them. I hope that you know that if you are an adopted child!)

And finally, we need people who will STOP AND THINK about family. If you felt the pain of a broken home as a child then DON'T RE-CREATE ONE for your future children. Don't do things that will later create divorce. If you felt that you didn't get enough attention from your parents as a child then BE THERE FOR THEM!! Give up your selfish hopes and maybe live on less so that you can be there for your children and create a relationship with them that will be of much higher value than a smartie-pants-gadget toy. 

It is the little things that make or break our homes, and the future homes of our children. Its the time you left work early to support your children and/or wife in a time of need. Its the time you stopped writing your blog post and turned around to hug your child. It's the time you called up that one family member to reconnect and help them feel loved. Its the time you never wrote all the blog posts or finished all those projects because your family needed you. Connect or reconnect today. With your children, with your parents, with whoever you call family. 

FAMILY MATTERS. LOVE YOURS. 

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

How to help your friend, sister, daughter, mother, etc. who has just had a miscarriage

Hi, I'm Trish.
I'm an avid control freak.
I was reading over some of my past posts and thinking- woah I can get really obsessive sometimes! I hope the people that read my crazy posts will stop and realize (at some point anyway!) that once I get it out then I usually move on and don't feel as obsessed. Oh well, probably the people that I bug the most have just stopped reading my blog by now because I've tired them out.


Sigh.

Well, anyway I've been thinking a lot about dealing with miscarriage and how little I knew about it before it happened to me, and then about how some people say absolutely nothing to me because (well I assume this) they don't know what to say or do. So I thought I would write a few things about what is best to say and/or do when someone close to you has a miscarriage.

Right thing to say: I'm so sorry for your loss.
Wrong thing to say: Oh well just try again and I'm sure things will work out!

Right thing to say: Can I bring a meal/watch your kids for you sometime?
Better thing to do: Just go over and get them, or go over with the meal!
Wrong thing: Well, if I can do anything let me know...
(Miscarriage doesn't really bring out the assertiveness in women, I find.)

Right thing to do: Send flowers with a nice card. Or even just a nice letter so she knows you are thinking about her.
Wrong thing to do: Send candy/treats.
*The reason I say don't send treats is because this woman is likely going to have an emotional roller coaster ahead of her. Miscarriages can really disrupt hormone balance. Sugar may comfort her briefly but when she gains 20 lbs from eating her problems, trust me she won't thank you!

Right thing to do: Call her regularly and check in to see how she is doing.
Wrong thing: Wait til she calls you, after she's had yet another breakdown.

Right thing to suggest: She may benefit from a few sessions with a grief counselor. (Counselors such as these are trained to know what to say that will help a woman who is going through this.)
Wrong thing to suggest: This baby wasn't meant for her, the fetus wasn't good enough, timing wasn't right, etc. (It's not really up to you to tell her any of these things, and none of them will bring her any comfort even if something like it is somewhat true.)

Right thing to do: Allow her as much time as she needs to grieve, and allow her to grieve in whatever way she feels is right for her. Show as much compassion as you can muster for her.
Wrong thing to do: Expect her to be "over it" at some point in time. Would you ever expect someone to get over it completely whose child died- whether in birth, or from sickness, or from a tragic accident? Not all women will have the same time table when it comes to grieving this kind of loss, so please be understanding even if her experience is very different from your own, or someone else's you've heard about.


Practical suggestions you can give to a woman who really seems to be struggling with miscarriage...

**I may not be a doctor but I did do a lot of research and I've tried some things, and actually received a lot of suggestions on what can help bring back some balance. It is amazing how many women have had this trial in their life, and yet how little it is talked about and understood by the general public.

*B12 supplements- a suggestion from my midwife who had also suffered this affliction (I've been using a spray I bought off Mercola.com and that has been helpful and easy!)
*Red Raspberry Leaf tea- it can actually stimulate your body to produce more progesterone. I read this in a book that was conveniently lying on top of my fridge.
*Maca root- it can help balance hormones. I have some powder that I put in my morning smoothie. I muscle tested all the kinds at whole foods til I found the one that gave me the strongest response.
*Progesterone cream- usually women with menopause rub this into their skin, but women suffering miscarriages also can benefit. I just ordered some from Amazon yesterday and am waiting for it to arrive.
*Clarycalm essential oil blend- I just recently signed up with Doterra and my sponsor was hosting an event where she was scanning hands and her computer system/program came back with suggestions for essential oils that would put this person's "biomarkers" back into balance. This was the number one recommendation I received and she actually just handed me the one she had once I told her why I was so out of balance. It has been another helpful thing I've been using and it smells quite nice too.
*Elevation essential oil- this is also a Doterra oil. It is great for giving an instant uplift- it has a wonderful aroma- I just love it. I'm so glad I included it on my month's order this month. (If you don't want to sign up for a Doterra account, you can buy the oils on Amazon.)


Some final thoughts...
I think that a woman's dominant energy type can sort of show up here as she grieves. So, as a dominant type 3 (secondary 2) woman, I will have periods of extreme (like explosive) emotional distress where I am crying so hard that I can hardly breathe, followed by periods where I am pretty sure life has gone back to normal and I'm just fine, followed by more inconsolable crying fits that I just don't understand. The thing is, I just want to feel normal again and like I can move forward and discover the right path for me and follow it. But as I move forward, inevitably its as if a dark hand reaches towards me and drags me backward by my ankle- causing me to feel like I'm not making any progress at all. It is hard to bear because I've just come from a place where I've felt (and even told people) that I'm on the mend, and doing better.

I've been fortunate to be surrounded by more people who are compassionate and understand what I'm going through than people who are giving me snarky remarks that aren't helpful at all. I feel blessed by all of you who have been there for me, prayed for me, sent me something, called me, etc. Thank you all for your love and support!

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Today

1. It has been two months since I last posted.
-CHECK
2. I should be doing something else right now but I'm putting it off.
-CHECK
3. Hubby and kids are not home to interrupt me.
-CHECK

Well then, it looks like its time for another blog post! I noticed that I was blogging about Doterra oils before. So I should update my experience there. I went ahead and signed up for them. I have been enjoying them. My favorite blend now is "Elevation"- it really elevates you! Well, it does for me anyhow. I really love that oil. I kind of wish I could just go swimming in that oil- its that nice! I also really enjoy Wild Orange. I put that in my chocolate shakes. I'm actually doing Chocolate bliss again, and it is a wonderful accompaniment.

I had a miscarriage last month. The miscarriage itself was pretty sad, but the hardest thing is all my body's shifting hormones. It is so hard to keep up with life and taking care of my kids with how I've been feeling. I think I'm going to take the advice from some friends and get some progesterone cream. I have all the symptoms of not enough progesterone. Part of my ongoing problem is lack of sleep. I get really tired very early. Like for example, its 6 pm and I could go and fall asleep right now. But how much good would that do at 2 in the morning? It just doesn't make sense. And then by the time I go to bed I feel wired and I can't sleep until midnight or later and then my kids come and wake me up around 6:30 or 7 am each morning and so things just seem to be tricky.

I remember when I was young and my Dad would sometimes take all of us somewhere at my mom's insistence. Now I completely understand why she felt that way. When you are a mom, your job is 24-7 and you don't get paid time off or any time off really. If you are really lucky then your husband lets you take a mommy vacation on a rare moment. Or, maybe if you are the luckiest then you don't need one because for some reason your kids don't stress you out at all. (Personally, I've never met someone who openly admitted this to me. I wouldn't recommend doing that, by the way, if that is how you truly feel. You'll make all of us tired, depressed, angry moms feel like THE "S" WORD.)

The other sad thing about having a miscarriage is that you become very afraid to even try again. You think- what if I have to go through this AGAIN?! For some people, their hormones don't go as crazy as others. But for me, if I have to go through this again...well, I think I will probably need intense therapy for months on end. You might also think- (if you believe in a pre-Earth life) is God going to send that same baby to me the next time I get pregnant? Or is that baby now off the list? Should I make a memorial for that baby or will they end up with someone else since my body rejected their fetus? A big part of me wants to let go, but we had already started thinking of names and what not and now I'm not sure if I should use that name in the future if we should be so lucky.

My family and I recently saw "Frozen" in the theater. It was an instant favorite. I loved the scene where Elsa finally begins to accept who she is. She sings a song about letting go. I think that's kind of the theme of my life right now. The song often goes through my head. "Let it go, let it go..." Today was a huge clothing purge day. For so many years I have held onto clothing that I either wasn't going to wear ever again or clothing that is too small and I kept hoping I'd maybe shrink into it again. I finally chose to purge the clothing and I'm feeling pretty good about it. It's interesting how there is a certain rush I get from acquiring new things, but then there is also this awesome rush that I get from just getting rid of stuff- even if I get no money for it in return. Its just funny and interesting I think.

Well, I must go now sorry for the abrupt ending...

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Ten things you may not know about me, just kidding....30!!!

1. I don’t really like spilling my guts online, because I don’t know who is reading it and that just makes me nervous.

2. I have loved dancing for pretty much my entire life and feel somewhat depressed the longer time goes and I am not able to dance.

3. I like being familiar with people and my surroundings. Living far away from family has been very hard and stressful for me. I didn’t understand this about myself when I moved away.

4. I love the taste of cheese and all things dairy, but the truth is I really can’t eat it without having a major intestinal reaction. So sad!! (Except for raw milk on occasion)

5. Even though I have strong opinions about what is right for me in my life, I don’t assume everyone feels the same way or I dislike them. I respect others’ opinions even when I know that my truth is something different. I appreciate mutual respect.

6. One thing that bugs me is when people think I am just like them, and don’t take the time to hear how and why I am different.

7. I know I can get carried away with my passions when I am telling someone about something, but one thing I wish people would just understand at face value is that I’m just passionate about things. I don’t bother with stuff I don’t care about.

8. I don’t understand why people take offense on Facebook to the good things (in status updates) that happen to other people. I read them and think “yay for you!” and then I see people talking about how annoyed they are by other’s good news. I’m like…. “WHAT-?!! GET OVER YOURSELF!!!”

9. I regularly notice misspelled words in signs, books, online articles, etc. It always baffles me that some editor didn’t see those errors.

10. I LOVE using punctuation and all caps to EXPRESS my emotion!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;o)

11. I wish I could have stayed in college longer. I’m one of those unique people who actually like school…mainly because I’m intensely curious and I like the clearly communicated expectations, the structure, and regularly seeing the same people on the same day, week after week.

12. Every year I think of a new career I could pursue. Being at home I feel like I am missing out on the career world. But then when I think and research about going back to work I realize that I’ll be missing out on my kids! Ultimately I feel worse about missing out on my kids, so I’m still at home with them.

13. I helped author a novella in college and I never got a copy of the finished product. I never read it. But hey I got an “A” in the class… :/

14. I have a much easier time expressing myself through writing than I do through talking. Sometimes I can’t think of the right words and I hate to look “dumb” like I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’ll think of the appropriate word several hours later though…

15. No matter how many people tell me they don’t believe in “types” I will still always try to understand the patterns and habits of others through observation and hypothesizing. And I will group these observations into categories. But if you really hate the idea of “types” I will try to not mention it to you, however I will feel quite sure about which group you fit into. And yes, I do believe in free will and change. Just not so much to the basic habits and patterns that someone regularly demonstrates in their life.

16. When I don’t get enough food and sleep I turn into a “cray-cray”. No I’m not chronically depressed or bi-polar I just need more sleep and food. And maybe some friends to hang out with.

17. I love my kids intensely and yet I really need regular time away from them. Sometimes they take me to “cray-cray” land faster than a speeding bullet.

18. I feel that online-only friendships are a sad excuse for real live friendships but sometimes, when you stay at home all day with no adult interaction, you need something that helps you feel connected and is okay with being interrupted a jillion times.

19. Sometimes I lie about how I am doing when other people ask, or about how I like Texas. Often I believe those lies and start feeling better. Sometimes I even convince myself that living here is okay or even preferable. I don’t lie if I’m feeling absolutely horrid, I’m not that great of a pretender. I only lie if I’m just a little down and saying so will only make me feel worse.

20. I miss the days when people called each other “just because”. Or maybe they are calling each other but I’m not part of that group for some reason. Maybe everyone is radically obsessed with being uber-productive and doesn’t see cellular relations as a productive activity. Oh well, here is my opinion: connecting with people = productivity. Staying disconnected = lack of support for productive goals. But who knows, maybe I’m just “cray-cray”.

21.  I used to think that quantity of friends matters the most but now I realize that quality of relationships matter the most.

22. I really dislike the cultural belief that all women should always be soft and that there is no good use for tough women. Actually, it infuriates me. I am a tough woman but I also have softness as a part of me. I don’t try to be tough, I just am. Altogether I am more often tough than soft, and I do appreciate this about myself and feel it is important for me to live true to myself. I don’t think that all women should strive to be tough or strive to be soft. They should strive to follow their heart and live true to it. We do not have an overabundance of tough women or soft women, just women who can still choose to be brave enough to follow their hearts and live true to themselves. Without passionate women, such as myself, who feel brave enough to push other people to higher ground, I believe we would indeed miss out on much opportunity to grow and improve as individuals and as a society.

23. I like crying, but I don’t do it often. When I do, it’s like a thunderstorm. By the way, I love thunderstorms. They make me feel so good!!!

24. I don’t always strive to find “the perfect answer” to all the world’s problems but I do regularly strive to understand why people think and feel what they do, and what is their unique perspective.

25.  I type really fast. Faster than a galloping llama, or another animal that gallops quickly. That’s probably why I’m on #25 now.

26. Some of my best, most favorite and supportive friends I have met online through groups created for mutual interests.

27.  I recently decided that I am a beautiful woman. I have heard other people tell me this in my life but the truth is, I’ve never chosen to believe this notion until now. I’ve spent so much time telling myself that I’m not the right size and I make too many mistakes daily to be a beautiful woman. But you know what? I am beautiful. And I will be beautiful if I am size 2 or if I am size 14. Even if I am plus size I will be beautiful. I don’t believe that it is worldly or sinful to invest in my beauty. I feel my best when I make the investment on myself to look my absolute best. I love it when other people do this too. Not as some kind of competition at all, but as a way of expressing that we all are beautiful and wonderful creatures. I also don’t believe that beauty and brains are exclusive things. I also know that I am very intelligent, and while I won’t be a genius at every single thing in life, I know that I have some very important and special talents and really everyone does. They just have to start seeing them that way.

28. One day I want to author a book. (Oh wait it looks like I already have!!!) Not just any book, but an awesome book. So therefore I will author it when I feel ready to create something awesome.

29. I love my chunky, chubby kids. I don’t really believe that skinny babies are the ideal, personally. I know that “skinny is in” or whatever- but I think that healthy looks different on everyone. But yes, there are obese people in the world and I feel kind of bad for them.

30. One of my personal mottos (not that I created but that I discovered I readily live by no matter what) is: Go BIG or Go HOME!!! This looks like: making a list of 30 things about myself when I really only needed to write 10, getting in the car to do at least three errands instead of just doing a single errand, checking off several important items on my list with a single investment of time, energy and/or money.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Parasites

Wow, its been a few months since I've posted last. Somehow I have over 50K views on this website and I'm not sure how since I hardly ever post. Hopefully my ideas are helping someone somewhere. So here is what is going on with me. I like Doterra- Balance is my favorite blend. I use it when I feel uptight, stressed, depressed, or just emotionally rung-out. It is great! I also have Slim and Sassy and Serenity- which are both good but I think if I had just bought peppermint and lavender I would have had about the same results from those two.

Anyway, I have just completed a parasite cleanse and colonic today and we are about to head back to Texas from Utah. I did two weeks of ginger, wormwood, pineapple, and Inside out essential oil blend- plus water and lots of fiber. (Btw- this was a specific recommendation for me, so don't think that you need the exact same thing just because I needed it!) I never saw anything huge leave my body but apparently most parasites are microscopic. I definitely feel much better than before. I don't feel extraordinary but I feel normal, whereas before I felt more or less sickly in a way. The colon therapist said I should do a liver flush next and that would help my body to really flush out a lot of toxins/waste and help me be ready for another pregnancy. I wish I had done a little more cleansing before I got pregnant with Charlie but I was kind of clueless back then so I was just taking some of the formulas I was told about.

I did an interview with Carol Tuttle on the Carol Blog last month and it was just posted this week. I told my type 3 friends about it and they were all really supportive and said they had the same issues that I was talking about. That made me feel much better because it was kind of embarrassing for me to know that anyone could be watching that video about me and know all my problems. (Well, maybe not ALL of them actually!) So if you go and watch it and don't have anything positive to say about it, then please just take your thoughts and flush them down the negativity tube far from my eyes and ears. Thanks.

In other news, one of my siblings is now unofficially engaged and is planning a wedding for next month. It was kind of a shock to hear it would be so soon but I am happy for this person either way. Sorry I am not supposed to give any more details just yet but if you need to know you can private message me.

I was watching General Conference this past weekend and I thought the talks were all so excellently prepared and just so "right on"! I wanted to give each and every speaker a high five after they said "amen". I don't usually remember details like- who said what, and when but I remember some of the things they said that hit me and impressed me. One of those things was talking about women and how the role of mother- especially "stay at home mother" is so devalued by everyone in society today. And I know that is true. Even I have had a hard time feeling valued and like my contributions are important. Certain things keep me going at being a mom, even though I have times when I think I'd just like to go have a career and send them off to a special daycare.

No one is going to take care of my kids like I am. No one understands my kids like I do. No one can nurture my kids in the unique way that I do. As they grow up I know that my unique way of nurturing and loving them will leave an imprint and give them joy that so many people have missed out on. I have to remember the inner child inside of me and what she longed for- always more time with Mom. Even now, even though Mom is not perfect and has little time to spend with her. But when I spend time with my kids, I am nurturing the young girl inside of myself as well.

Another thing I realized during conference is that maybe inviting someone to church doesn't have to be scary. Maybe them saying "no" is just fine. Maybe I don't have to be all worked up about it, and maybe I don't have to hide who I am in order to feel comfortable. I spent so much time hiding myself so that I never made anyone uncomfortable who has a differing viewpoint. Oh no, not an argument- I'll lose for sure! That was what the little voice inside of me said. I feel free from that voice now. I think it may have had to do with the parasites. I feel very different now. In a good way. In a balanced way. I feel more able to love someone even if they have a different viewpoint. In fact it would be nice to hear someone's different viewpoint- it would be refreshing- so long as it isn't some sort of bullying type of behavior or words directed at me.

Anyways, I need to conclude this blog post now. I'll have to add any additional thoughts later.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Trying out Doterra essential oils

I just ordered some Doterra essential oils from a health website that I have frequented over the years. I was glad to find them there because I was already ordering something else and had it on my list of things to buy- only I didn't want to sign up with Doterra to be in the marketing system (at least not yet).

I recently went to a friend's house where a friend of hers was sharing about the oils. Even though it was a small turnout, I truly didn't mind because I was freed up to ask as many questions as I wanted. And I could smell all the different blends and oils that I wanted to.

Previously I had used Young Living Essential oils and enjoyed them quite a lot, but I had to stop getting them monthly because my husband and I were working hard at getting rid of our debt. Since I wasn't ordering something every month, I seemed to use the oils less and less. And then I'd see them in my cabinet and think- oh yeah I have those tools at my disposal should I need them.

I honestly didn't expect the Doterra oils to be very different from the Young Living oils that I had used many times and still do. But I noticed there was a slight difference even in the same simple oil such as Peppermint, Lavender, or Frankincense. I wasn't (and am still not) sure why there was a subtle difference. I suppose the difference must stem from how the plant becomes the oil or something like that.

So the oils that I ordered are: Balance, Slim & Sassy, and Serenity. Today the Balance has been really wonderful for me. Lately I've felt hyped up a bit, like "gosh what do I do today?" and like I just can't live a normal day without worries of tomorrow and what is upcoming in my life. Doterra has compared their Balance with the YL "Valor". I really enjoy both and I think I'd use both. I don't think they are the same, but their effect is very similar. I'm hoping that Slim & Sassy will help me with late night food cravings and that Serenity will help me when I am feeling stressed and/or anxious.

I went to google search Doterra oils and among the results was an article that was saying how Doterra oils are just a Multi-Level-Marketing scam and to avoid them like the plague! (Yes, I added a little drama- but you must know from reading this blog that I'm kind of known for that at times.) I was thinking- okay so you don't prefer to be part of Multi-Level marketing? Did you know you can purchase the oils at no obligation on a number of different websites? They also made other claims that really just didn't make any sense to me.

First that there is hardly any science behind essential oils. Okay, but there is science behind essential oils. Not that I make my decisions based on science, but other people do so I can understand some people's need for that. So many you tube videos can show you the way that blood cells change only seconds after applying an essential oil/blend. They also slam the person who was teaching the class on essential oils- "well they presented in this way, so its the only way someone can see it..." You know what? I bet other people teach it differently, and even if they didn't then nothing is stopping you from thinking of other possibilities than just what they present. Next time you might give that person the feedback instead of assuming that person represents the entire company and validity therein.

There is nothing in the article where the author actually says, "I tried them and didn't notice a difference at all." But instead they say, "a long time ago, someone who is not involved with Doterra essential oils got arrested for making some decisions...and therefore Doterra is just out to get you..." That doesn't make any sense to me at all! There are a lot of different companies and people making essential oils and other holistic remedies. You can't say oh, one person made a mistake once and therefore anything that can potentially be linked to that person is completely evil and wrong. But that is the exact argument they are making. For how to be a moron, part 1 go here.

I think that since Doterra is really making a name for themselves and many people are using these remedies, that some people out there are going to get all angry/fearful and set out to cut off the success of a company that is helping a lot of people with many problems. (I mean, potentially telling people not to go to the doctor anymore could really cause all those years in medical school to go unrewarded, and those poor families have so much debt from all those years of schooling and not being able to work during them.) I mean, if I were the wife of a doctor then I would totally be mad that some company is out there telling everyone to not go to the doctor anymore! In fact, if my husband made his living in anything at all medical related, yes I would totally be up-in-arms about these crrrazy claims!

Or you know, maybe I would realize that science and medicine can only go so far because they are trained to think a very specific way. And if someone were to think differently or ask different questions then they just might come to a different conclusion. And who knows, if I were one of those doctors then maybe I'd be one of the holistic ones that can give both treatments depending on what is asked for. It seems like more and more doctors are realizing that everything that learned to be in med school isn't always going to serve them best with society's evolving standards and desires for more natural, less invasive healing methods.

 But you know, concerning these "fear-spreading-viruses"... I really dislike the things that spread fear among everyone. And no offense my Utahn friends, but you know ya'll carry so much fear around. I'm not going to say that no one has a right to feel fear and to protect themselves. (Or even that every Utahn is chronically fearful) But I think its important to ask yourself- is this fear that I feeling preventing me from having true charity? Do I trust that God will make all things right? Is my neighbor and/or family member really out there to murder me/molest my children/rob all our stuff? Yes, I recognize that crazies exist, and for some weird reason it seemed like a lot more of them have taken up residence in Utah than in Texas. Its funny how safe I feel in Texas even though I'm sure the crime statistics would say that  more crimes are being committed here than in my beloved home state of Utah. You know, our neighbors across the street were robbed- in broad daylight- while they were at home. But you know what else? They keep all their entertainment equipment in the garage, and they keep their garage door open a lot of the time. I mean, who is to judge, right? (shoulder shrug)

I think that the Law of Attraction makes sense here, which teaches that you attract likeness. Whatever you are, or think, or feel is what you attract. So if you are fearful, prejudiced, and lack faith in new things then don't be surprised if that is what shows up for a visit (in some way or another). And maybe your fear of new things is going to keep you stuck, experiencing the same failures over and over again. Have a little faith. And if you need some help with that, try this.


Epilogue: I haven't yet decided if Young Living or Doterra is better. Young Living has been around longer and has thus learned more from experience. They also have more oils. Doterra seems to be more popular, but that doesn't mean it is better necessarily. Also, I want to say that I do not think there is NO place for medicine or doctors. I think that they are definitely needed by many people for many different things. An essential oil cannot set a broken bone, for example. I know we are all making the best medical decisions we can make, and I don't think we need to judge one another for differing decisions. I would only hope that they'd be based on something that makes good sense.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

THE TRUE TRISH

So, I really wanted to do this fun experiment. I've seen several of the DYT ladies do it and its kind of cool to see how big the difference is when you look at the different looks. So I headed over to the local JCPenneys one night and thought I would give it a go! I figured, they have a makeup counter and so I can go and change my makeup between each outfit. (Easier said than done, by the way!)

I first started out with a type 1 look. I was wanting to find something that some of the type 1s in my life might actually like. I actually have no idea what they thought. But hey my look was fresh, random, springy, and boy did I feel light and airy. I almost felt like I should go try out for cheerleader. It was really hard browsing the racks and choosing something. Because in my mind I'm thinking- well that looks type 1 but I wouldn't wear it. Then I'm thinking- well yeah, that's the point! So I grab stuff and feel all nervous about it because maybe it's actually a horrible outfit. Well I get into the dressing room and put it on and think- you know I think this is a good look for a type 1 who is dressing their truth. I didn't have a curling iron to make my hair bounce or anything so I just pulled it into a side pony, because type 1s are the only ones who can pull off that kind of a pony tail and look great. Also, I felt a little silly dressed like this. I was thinking- geez its like I couldn't make up my mind- pink dots here, green and blue plaid there, and then bright yellow pants!? What? Oh yeah and then my makeup which you can't really tell is like this bright light purple that shimmers on my eyelids. And that was really hard to get off! I also tried to find a bright pink blush. I didn't think at that time to find any type 1 accessories though. Whoops! I guess the type 1 energy was taking over!


So my next look was the type 2 look- soft, subtle- and going for the Tones (pure color + grey). There was quite a few nice things to choose from and I actually really liked what I came up with. I loved the scarf and the umbre shirt. I thought, any type 2 would love this outfit! But you know, it didn't feel quite right on me. I just felt comfort knowing that the right woman would feel comfortable in this outfit. Know what I mean? Its funny how dressing soft and subtle actually makes me look that much more substantial! Ha, ha ha!

I went soft and grayed with the makeup. It was much better for me than the type 1 look but not perfect. Two is my secondary after all, but you know this look doesn't really allow ME to show up, know what I mean?


So, get a load of this! I figured it isn't at all the time of year when type 4 is in fashion but you can always find the classic black, white and other pure colors it seems. I was kind of hurrying and so I grabbed this because it was the first look I saw that fit the basic guidelines of type 4 DYT. I know one of the latest styles that is both classic and type 4 is the bun on top of your head. It was a STRUGGLE to say the least to actually make it look "clean". Remember how I said- its not the WHAT but the HOW!!  And I actually used to dress similar to this- I had a B & W patterned skirt and I would wear a bright color on top- well not bright like type 1 but you know. I felt so stuck and lost in this outfit- it was like I was being taken over by something that I couldn't control! AHHH!!! I actually also found a simple pair of pearl earrings to put on with this outfit. Can you tell that type 4 is my VERY LEAST like me type? I sure could! Didn't feel right at all!!
Okay I apologize for this picture, it was hard to get focus and the light was reflecting off the countertop in the bathroom. At JCPenneys, the store was starting close shortly after I finished my type 4 look so I hurried and washed off all that black eye shadow and red lipstick and started to do my makeup more type 3. It was so nice to finally be home! I wanted to find a type 3 look there but they started turning off the lights so I ran out and just put on something at home. 

My thoughts after putting these clothes on were: Phew! Finally I can MOVE ON with life now and get something important done! Oh wait, I just did something important, and it was pretty fun! But this just feels right!

I loved the comments I got from my Type 3 Facebook group, even the ladies husbands were clear on which one was the Real Me. I'm so glad I can be me and fit this group so perfectly! 


**I just want to say, that this is not how you figure out your type. I've been clear on my type for several years now. (I'm losing count!) 

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Why some people get stuck before they even start

Okay, this post is actually about Profiling systems and what I've noticed in my experiences learning about them and in communicating with people who are involved with them.

What people do wrong:
1. Labels- they take one word and run with it, rather than trying to understand the big picture. "Well this type is always _____ so I must be (or can't be) that type."

2. Thinking that the system thinks you are 100% one type. Let's get real here, no personality book- that tells you about four types is going to spell you out exactly. You're probably going to see yourself in several of the types in various ways. The key is to understand what makes you different from someone else, and what makes you similar to someone else.

3. Not understanding the opposition in the types and in our natures. For example, in energy profiling you have the 1 & 4 combination and the 3 & 2 combination. So if you find yourself realizing that this is your combination- congratulations! I think most of these people give up early because they think they are all the types in different ways. The fact is that having a type combo that is opposite in nature makes each part of that even more accentuated. As a 3/2 I've had people accuse me of both being overly shy and sensitive and being overly confident, prideful, and boastful. I suppose someone of the 1 & 4 combo would hear that they can both be overly adapting, too irresponsible BUT ALSO too critical, unfriendly, and unyielding. Huh? How does that work?

What's interesting I think is that those two combos can actually be very complimentary of each other. For example, my husband is a 1/4 and I'm a 3/2. We tend to both sit on the fence when it comes to how extroverted or introverted we are. We both like being social but sometimes really just feel like staying at home, night after night. Though to be honest I think the third type weighs in a lot here b/c DH's third type is 2 and mine is 1 so overall I'm more of an extrovert and he is more of an introvert. But, you know that is just my story and maybe its totally different for another person. Or maybe its the rule, I can't really say for sure.

In True Colors, you have orange and gold which seem totally opposite because you have the fun loving- "don't tell me what to do/be" attitude that contrasts strongly with the responsible "we all must try to fit in and play our part, and play by the rules" attitude. Yes its possible to be a combination of those types, and if the gold is more dominant then the person is going to more likely to take seriously their commitments whereas if the orange is dominant then you ought to be thankful if this person shows up like they said they would (err...might) show up.

4. Not understanding that your primary type explains your "HOW". Energy profiling is about HOW you move through life. When people study personality systems they think of it as concrete, yet something that you can change depending on life's circumstances. But you can't change your HOW because its so far behind your eyes that a lot of us (who haven't been validated early on for it) don't even know that is HOW we do things....in the beginning. My hypothesis is that your secondary type explains your WHAT. It seems more concrete and so people think they are their secondary type quite often.

It's been said that people live in their secondary because of their inner child wounds and what not. I'm not here to discount that possibility, but I think that people who start the journey with Energy profiling and then get stuck are treating it like its a personality system- and a lot of times you can think your personality changes over time.

When I was younger, "The Color Code" was all the rage. And it truly is just a personality system. I remember being taught that it is best to try to be a balance of all the different types. Really? Now that I know what I know, it just feels so good to wake up to the reality that we were designed to be a very specific way and not to change throughout our lives in hopes of gaining the approval of our peers. We need to show up as ourselves and let the approval come whenever it does come, if at all.

There was just so much judgement in that system that just thinking about it now, makes me want to puke. I vaguely recall thinking I should try to skew the results so that I could have some of each type and look like a totally balanced individual. I thought- well everyone will think I'm healthy if I'm not TOO irresponsible, or TOO bossy, or TOO emotional, or TOO stoic...

Do you see a sort of pattern developing here? I was extremely worried about being TOO anything! Do you know what Type 3s are know for? Hello! Going totally overboard, being TOO MUCH!! Being intense! Using too many exclamation points!!! Slamming down their point WAY TOO HARD!!!!!!! Because, you know if I took that test and found out that I was TOO MUCH of ONE TYPE then you know what? That would mean I WAS TOO MUCH!!! AHHHHH!!!! We can't have that!!

In summary of point #4, the HOW of my energy is WAY TOO MUCH. Did that make sense to you? Here let me help clarify it further. Ahem. Question: How do you do your life, Trish? Answer: Well, most things that I get involved in, I tend to go overboard and just go, Go, GO and by the time I stop I think most people feel like I've ran them over with a steam engine! I do things BIG like I just keep pushing or doing or talking and I just keep going until I finally see the looks of "OKAY WE GET IT ALREADY!!" all over my audience's face(s).

Loads of people think that the previous paragraph actually translates to: "all or nothing" or "black and white" but that goes back to point #1 and so in a way I can look like "all or nothing" but when I comes right down to it, I don't have much of the type 4 energy in me because I don't think things through before I take action. I think things through AFTER I TAKE ACTION. That's just how I roll people, I know most people think everyone should think things through before you take action but you know, its just not my specialty. I'm more of the "learns from experience" type.

Anyways, that is pretty much all I have to say right now. Sorry if it was too much, or......NO WAIT! I'm not sorry! I like being TOO MUCH! Yes, I am aware of it. But I like it. I like being TOO MUCH!!!

MWA!!!!!!!!!

Friday, June 14, 2013

"I'm a bad boy, Mommy."

Today I learned that my son thinks that he is "a bad boy". I was very saddened by this. Perhaps if my son were in fact a bad boy it would not bother me so much. He is like any other boy- mischievous at times and curious about the world. He likes to explore and do things his own way. But I don't want to think he is "a bad boy". I keep thinking in my head, when did I tell him that he was "a bad boy"? I must have said it without thinking because he couldn't have pulled that out of nowhere.

It reminds me of how I always thought that I wasn't good enough, that my parents thought of me as a bad child. But when I told my mom that I felt that way, she said that she never believed that I was a bad kid- and in fact she was very proud of me in all that I've become and done. I felt incredulous to hear her say these words. In my mind, every thing I ever did was a disappointment. And why was that? Its because she put more emphasis on that wrong things I did, or almost did. Because there was so much emotional energy put into those ones, and hardly any put into the praise when it was given, the critical voice was the only one I remembered and I always had a hard time believing the praise. But what I needed was the praise. In fact I still need the praise. I know that all people are not like this. Some people are like this some of the time, or perhaps most but I'm not really qualified to make a statement about how often people are like this anyway.

But I must be unconsciously shaming my son, perhaps similar to how I was shamed when I was in the wrong. Maybe I have been too harsh on him. But how do I help him know that his behavior is unacceptable and that it is driving me mad without making him feel like or think that he is "a bad boy"? I actually feel like "a bad mom" for having that result. I feel like I've failed big time. And not just for that reason, but I certainly don't feel comfortable elaborating all the reasons why I feel that way on this blog.

Does he subconsciously pick up on my negative self beliefs and then reflect them back to me by believing that he is also bad? I honestly just don't know. But is it always bad to be bad? I mean, on Wreck-It-Ralph we have the bad guy motto of "I'm bad and that's good. I'm not good and that's not bad.There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Meanwhile my 1 year old can't stop screaming nonstop, I suspect a tooth is breaking through and causing him trouble. Nothing I did helped or soothed him. So now he is crying in his crib so I don't go insane. Bother, bother, bother.

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