"I'm a bad boy, Mommy."

Today I learned that my son thinks that he is "a bad boy". I was very saddened by this. Perhaps if my son were in fact a bad boy it would not bother me so much. He is like any other boy- mischievous at times and curious about the world. He likes to explore and do things his own way. But I don't want to think he is "a bad boy". I keep thinking in my head, when did I tell him that he was "a bad boy"? I must have said it without thinking because he couldn't have pulled that out of nowhere.

It reminds me of how I always thought that I wasn't good enough, that my parents thought of me as a bad child. But when I told my mom that I felt that way, she said that she never believed that I was a bad kid- and in fact she was very proud of me in all that I've become and done. I felt incredulous to hear her say these words. In my mind, every thing I ever did was a disappointment. And why was that? Its because she put more emphasis on that wrong things I did, or almost did. Because there was so much emotional energy put into those ones, and hardly any put into the praise when it was given, the critical voice was the only one I remembered and I always had a hard time believing the praise. But what I needed was the praise. In fact I still need the praise. I know that all people are not like this. Some people are like this some of the time, or perhaps most but I'm not really qualified to make a statement about how often people are like this anyway.

But I must be unconsciously shaming my son, perhaps similar to how I was shamed when I was in the wrong. Maybe I have been too harsh on him. But how do I help him know that his behavior is unacceptable and that it is driving me mad without making him feel like or think that he is "a bad boy"? I actually feel like "a bad mom" for having that result. I feel like I've failed big time. And not just for that reason, but I certainly don't feel comfortable elaborating all the reasons why I feel that way on this blog.

Does he subconsciously pick up on my negative self beliefs and then reflect them back to me by believing that he is also bad? I honestly just don't know. But is it always bad to be bad? I mean, on Wreck-It-Ralph we have the bad guy motto of "I'm bad and that's good. I'm not good and that's not bad.There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Meanwhile my 1 year old can't stop screaming nonstop, I suspect a tooth is breaking through and causing him trouble. Nothing I did helped or soothed him. So now he is crying in his crib so I don't go insane. Bother, bother, bother.

The Plan, day 6.5

Alrighty, so its been about a week on The Plan. What I didn't realize at first when I started was that if you have a reactive day, or a semi-reactive day then the next day you have to repeat a day that wasn't reactive. So yesterday I ate only what hadn't been reactive for me and I skipped dessert too. I actually think that dessert is reactive for me right now. But I don't expect that to last forever. Perhaps one day I will be able to enjoy some dessert every now and again. For now I will just enjoy the sweetness of the summer fruit I am allowed on the plan.

So, whip cream and cheese are semi-reactive for me. I gained .2 pounds two days in a row when I included them in my diet. So now I'm moving forward with the dairy free menu. I will still include butter in my diet though. It isn't as reactive for me. Actually its not reactive for most people, even lactose intolerant people. I will also go back to raw milk once I am allowed to. Looks like its the test for Day 14. Hurray!

So far I have lost 5.4 pounds in one week! This diet rocks! Also, I have to say that many times I have wanted to quit. But the results speak for themselves, and as I realize which foods are reactive to me I am now equipped with knowledge that it is going to cause me problems and/or weight gain and so if I want to have that result then I can go ahead and eat that food but if I don't want that then I will eat friendly foods.

Today I am testing eggs. I hope this works out because eggs are inexpensive and fast and healthy! So hopefully I don't gain tomorrow, we shall see!

The Plan

I finally got to start the Plan! Yay! I am on day 3 today. Here are some of my thoughts about it so far....

*Yes I have lost some weight, but I've also been starving. Mostly the first day, a little the second day. Hopefully less today. I've been trying to do exactly what the book says (for once!) hoping that I will get the right results that way. I'd rather eat the portions that she says is for the men personally, but I am not a man so ....I will just eat like a woman, for once!

*The first day I didn't poop much, the second day it was like almost every time I sat down to go. So that is good, I suppose.

*That carrot ginger soup is disgusting in my opinion. I think it needs some butter or animal fat to make it taste better! Or maybe I just added too much ginger.

*I don't normally like blueberries but I love the flax cereal with blueberries- and it is very easy to make so that is nice! But I tripled the recipe and then cooked it all on one cookie sheet- which wasn't a very good idea. It never quite got to the crunchy stage so I just broke it up and put it in the fridge. Oh well.

*I'm really glad that I get to eat chicken today. Don't think I could ever go back to veganism long term! (Maybe for a brief cleanse, but that's it!)

*I'm really glad there are so many positive testimonials throughout the book and online- it keeps me motivated!

*It's nice to not have to exercise the first three days, but I'm kind of running out of ideas of what to do with myself now...

Ventilation to my invisible friends

I am no longer having a very good day. I was excited earlier because I felt like I was finally going to know where we were going to live for the next while. But now I don't know. I was looking at places and thinking about this for a while...thinking- what would be best? What are my highest priorities? Where would be interesting? All those types of questions.

The other day I felt "called" to check out this apartment complex near the YMCA so I met Nick there and we checked out their options. We thought that the 3 bedroom option seemed like a good price and the lady just said to call them and they could hold it for 24 hours if necessary. Well, two days later (today) I just decide to go in with my application all filled out so I can submit it and everything. The nice straight-forward lady I worked with before was not there. Instead there were two younger ladies to deal with.

I tell them that I'm interested in 410 and they tell me- "oh yeah well the price has gone up now and now its _____" ...basically $20 more per month. I'm thinking- uhmm what? That's not what I expected. I expected to get the price the other lady told me and she never said that prices go up daily. They kind of explain how some other company sets their prices on a daily basis based on "supply and demand". Rrrright. So I go in the other room to call Nick so I don't do anything stupid.

He tells me he wouldn't go forward with it because it seems like a bait and switch tactic. To me it just seems like dishonesty. But obviously we all have our own perspective. So I go back and tell them that we aren't comfortable with them just up and changing the price on us and that I'm not going to apply after all. They try to explain it to me further, but sorry ladies you lost me at "oh we changed the price..." if you can't undo that then I'm outta here!

So I leave, and I'm frustrated, and I'm sick of not knowing what is going on or where I'm going to live. They tell me that the price could always go back down again on another day. Oh yay, how about I just spend every morning calling you to tell me whatever random price someone came up with that day that I can sign on. NO THANKS! Seriously who thought that people would go for this? Its idiotic. Sayonara morons.

Be proud of your low self-esteem

Alright, lets see how fast I can whoop out another post.

Today's thoughts are related to Self-esteem, or the lack thereof and the Carol Tuttle Healing center. I signed up to try out the healing center because I have recently had some struggles with feelings, I guess. I looked through all the videos and tried to figure out which one(s) I should do. A lot of them seemed like good options so I did some of them, including ones about emotional eating and eating disorders- and some others about various things. I discovered after the eating ones that I don't really struggle with that all that much. But the one that I finally did that hit me right between the eyes was "Clearing for Low Self-Esteem". Every single thing she said resonated with me and I realized that THIS was my core problem, errr is my core problem.

She said that when we have low self-esteem we look to others for validation but that it takes from us when we don't/can't esteem ourselves highly. It is like lying to yourself to say you aren't worth anything or no one cares what you have to say. Those things aren't true, and you can't prove it. Whenever I have taken the opportunity to act in spite of those beliefs it seems that I am proven wrong- unless I am carrying the energy of "no one hears me" or "no one wants to listen to me" around, then it manifests itself as true. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So for the past few days I have thought on that, I've been thinking- "wow I really do have low self esteem, don't I?" Because it keeps popping up. Anytime I'm in a situation with others where someone could be judging me for what I say or do, I have thoughts like "Everyone thinks I'm ugly, no-good, should give up and leave..." or like "People don't think like me so they won't appreciate what I have to offer". But now that I have done that clearing, and then when I have those thoughts I can stop and think, oh yeah its that low self esteem thing going on. And suddenly I realized that low self-esteem isn't who I am, its just something that I have right now. Its something I'm dealing with. And those dishonest thoughts are just stemming from that cycle of energy that pulls me down from where I should be.

I would have thought that just making positive statements and affirming myself would get rid of that nasty, low self-esteem. "I am an amazing woman" "I do great and wonderful things" "People appreciate my contributions". You can say those things and maybe even believe they are true for a little while. But what hasn't happened is that you haven't realized that you have a problem, and you haven't admitted it. So if you keep pretending it isn't there and you just positively affirm yourself until you are blue in the face, then its always going to be as if you are shiny on the outside and yet hurt, cankering, and moldy on the inside.

When you are trying to improve something about yourself, low self-esteem included, you have to realize that there is a problem. They teach this to us at church in the form of repentance. First you have to recognize the wrong, then confess, ask for forgiveness, and forsake the sin. I think that low self-esteem is like a sin, not because you did it to yourself but because you are allowing lies to run amok inside your mind and body. And these lies tear you down. Denial gets us nowhere.

So what we have to do is take out the bad and replace it with the good. That is what you have to do with any renovation or creation. When I make a salad and want avocado I have to make sure there aren't any dark spots, or if they are there then I have to cut them away and toss them out. With home renovations you have to make sure the foundation and walls are in good condition before you can paint or wallpaper them up all nice. Its the same thing with us- clear out the bad and then replace with good.

It can take time, and once we know what our problem is, then when it comes up we can stop and look at it- and realize that we are not our problem, our problem is happening, and we don't have to choose to give in. We can make a new choice. When we admit to ourselves that we have a problem, it suddenly loses the grip it has on us and we now have more freedom than ever before.

If you are proud of your low self esteem, it doesn't mean you don't want to change, it means that you are aware of your problem and are in the process of replacing those thoughts and that pattern to eventually create a healthy self-esteem.

Nature and needs

Alright so I've ordered some books and have started looking through/reading them. I am reading "Wheat Belly" and "Practical Paleo". I am fascinated with what I am reading in "Wheat Belly". I have taken myself off of bread and all things wheat for now. I have noticed that all of the phlegm I kept hacking up has reduced significantly. Sometimes I still get a little bit and its a key to ask myself "what was the last thing you ate?" I feel like my belly is getting a little slimmer. But I'm sure it would go a lot faster if I was entirely dedicated to zero sugar. Technically I was dedicated for a week or two and then something slipped and I was on again.

I keep begging Nick to help me not eat sugar at night but my night time cravings get to be so ravenous that even he can't stop me. Although he did stop me from having chocolate ice cream one night I really wanted it. We didn't have any in our freezer (usually we don't) and I wanted him to go buy some. But he wouldn't. Phew! It was a tough night but I somehow got through it. I just have to keep that in mind. Sometimes things get tough and you just have to keep going, maybe find a new focus until you can get through it.

This week I've done Body Pump, zumba, and yoga. I also did some walking/jogging on the treadmill. I think my body is built for yoga. I really love doing it. I find a lot of benefit in Body Pump, and with zumba I like it because it brings fun into my life. Sometimes I get sick of it though and take a week off to re-center. Then I miss it and run back quick! Its a funny cycle.

I am doing some juicing, and bring back in some of the things I used to do when I was "Raw Trish" mode. I don't want to psych myself out so I'm taking it easy and slow. Today I made some juice with celery, beets + greens, oranges, apple, & something else...? I can't remember. The juice was alright, then the second swig tasted horrible. But I keep drinking it, once I forget it has that funky aftertaste the second swig around. I ordered some Chocolate bliss and am going to try that out again.

It seems like that really worked for me last time. I had a hard time being completely meat free though and so I'm keeping that as part of my diet, but maybe not every day. Also, I've learned that sometimes people take me as "preachy" and think I'm trying to tell them what to do when I say what I am doing but I want to re-iterate that I am very well aware of how people have different bodies and different needs. Obviously since my last post was about the three doshas and I'm interested in understanding those better...that applies to different needs. We've all walked different paths too so what I need and/or benefit from could be very different from what someone else needs/benefits from.

Finding the best diet to fit part 1

So, right now I've been trying to figure out the right diet for me to do. Earlier this year, I read a book called "The Plan" which is more of a personalized approach as you find out specifically what foods cause you problems and what foods are friendly. But I can't do that until I wean my son and who knows when that might be! So I was thinking, the three ayurvedic types have it pretty much spelled out what foods balance or unbalance each type so maybe I could try that and see how it works for me. I'm a dominant pitta with some vata and not much kapha at all. I found this tidbit on a forum that I thought I'd copy on here for future reference.

So the first issue is the willingness to consider an 'elemental' perspective on energy. Everyone is a mix of all three; the issue is what is out of balance due to our body type and habits. Vata is motion, or Air; Pitta is activation, or fire; Kapha is cohesion, or water. Before you start rolling your eyes at this, please remember that Chinese medicine (several thousand years old), Greek & maybe traditional Arabic, and also medieval European medicines were based on variations of these ideas. Chinese goes into 5 elements (Earth, Air, Water, Fire and Metal) where Greek and medieval Europe just did Earth, Air, Water and Fire. In all cases, health is considered to be when the elements are functioning in harmony and dis-ease is when things get out of balance. 

Being willing to consider this perspective doesn't necessarily mean tossing out all modern science. Different elements and substances have various properties. Being a 'Vata' type doesn't literally mean you have more Air (as we understand air as in what we breathe) but will have more mental motion energy (people who are 'in their heads) and can be less grounded. To continue:

Vata types - lots of mental energy, less grounded, often thinner, digestion can be weaker, can be underweight.
Pitta types - fire and physical energy, needs physical stimulation and activation, willful, strong digestion, easy to gain muscle.
Kapha types - water and stable energy, can be lazy, digestion OK but can gravitate towards heavy foods which will then cause weight gain and lack of exercise. 

I am a Vata-Pitta but for now will just make it simple and write from a Vata perspective. Getting totally off caffeine was one of the absolute best things I ever did. It would be standard advice from a good Ayurvedic doctor or book for people with Vata imbalances to be very careful with mental stimulants (they have enough already!). So the point is that I dropped caffeine earlier this year as part of the standard Robb Wolf paleo line 'try it for 30 days' and I will *never* go back since sleeping better than ever. Had I taken the Ayurvedic perspective seriously, then I would have done this much sooner. 

A few other random thoughts on types and aspects of paleo/primal.

Vata
Will not benefit from IF as much as other types. Better to have smaller regular meals and even maybe a snack especially if underweight; or at least let IF be truly 'intermittent' not regular. 1 big meal a day probably too much for most Vatas, which will overwhelm the system and then cause problems with sleep. Vatas like variety in everything and that means food as well as exercise. Vatas are easily stressed so benefit from exercise that is calming. Crossfit 5x a week is not ideal here. Intensity once in a while is fine, otherwise more 'moving a slow pace' especially outside. Get off caffeine and take extra steps to improve sleep.

Pitta
Can more easily IF and eat larger meals due to stronger constitution. Benefits from vigorous exercise. Pitta types should really thrive on paleo diet and exercise. From Ayurvedic perspective Pitta problems would be heartburn, too much conflict and anger but paleo should help with these. Also more likely to do fine with dairy and higher calories in general since their stronger metabolism and tendency towards vigorous exercise burns them up. Pitta types more than the others can push it physically, but if over-training becomes an obvious issue then harder for them to back off. No smoking for Pittas! 

Kapha
Also can IF and may even need to in order to lose weight, and in general will do better with lower carb. Kapha types need to get moving, so some caffeine more likely OK. Kapha types will gravitate towards the heavier foods but actually most would do better to drop dairy and eat more lower calories fruits and/or veggies. Watch the paleo baking 'almond butter brownies' etc, and beer probably the worst for kaphas as it will go right to their (possibly) lazy #$s. 

Last comment folks, if something has been done for 1000s of years (whatever that is) and then gets into some little online 'quiz' for a primarily American audience, then it has been DUMBED DOWN. To read the dumbed down version and then conclude that the entire system is 'ridiculous' ... well that's a little dumb too.

Journaling

I recently was introduced to a website called "ldsjournal.com" which is exactly what is sounds like. A journal for lds people. It is so much easier to type your journal than to write it with a pen. My hand always gets tired and then I don't want to write anymore. Also, typing is faster so I like that too. You might check it out if you want to do better with your personal journaling and think it would help.

While I was writing in my journal account today I was remembering an idea that I have had in the past a few times and I've never been able to say it when I'm thinking it because  in the moment I just get stumped. By that, I mean I get caught up in the emotions and words of the moment that are being spoken to me and I can't think my own genuine thoughts.

The idea is kind of about competitive moms. I read an article recently about mom bloggers bullying each other. I just think its sad. I've always run around with the assumption that once you become a mom, you are over all the petty patterns of your teenage years. But no, surprisingly it is quite easy to get pulled into a situation where competitive pride takes hold, and someone ends up getting bullied.

So, a lot of people who know me (or think they do) often respond to me like I expect them to do everything that I am interested in doing. I can sort of understand why they could think this. However, I want them to know that I don't expect them to do everything that I do or talk about. What I want you to understand about me is that I am a very passionate person, and when I get interested in something I just have to tell everybody. Its just what I do.

If I don't have something that I'm passionate about, or a goal that I'm working towards that I literally feel like life is pointless. (And to rephrase the last paragraph, no I don't expect you to always have a goal- its just something about me that I'm speaking of.) I know this because recently I was feeling this way. I was thinking- I can't find the right diet for me, I don't have enough energy to do all these workouts I am supposed to do, I don't know what is right or wrong anymore, I give up. And that type of thinking was soon followed by some sugar binging. By now I do know that sugar is the Devil! (definitely for me, maybe it isn't as bad for some people to have on occasion, although scientific evidence I've seen in the past would indicate otherwise.)

Now I have strep throat and its all because I got sidetracked and binged. I think I need to go back to a sort of gluten-free/high raw plant foods/ & only organic/free range meats on occasion type of diet. Its hard because my husband loves his white flour goods. He loves his gluten. They call him, "the dough boy" and he doesn't much like my almond flour or coconut flour goodies. I can't sit around all day cooking food separate for both of us! Sorry, honey but I'm going back to what was working for me!

I am going to do that 20 day program called, "The Plan" that I talked about before. I just have to wait til Charlie turns one to see if I can wean him onto the local milk we get here. I know, I know, lots of people breastfeed a lot longer than that but my health is in real danger and I need to do something about it, and find out once and for all what is good for me and what isn't. Plus, everyone loses weight on the plan. I think my weight has to do most with my intestines and not so much with anything else. If my digestion was perfect and my colon was clean then I would be a great size. I don't want to get super skinny again. I  just want to feel healthy and energetic.

Anyway, now that I've posted all of that, I so can't back out! I'm accountable! Watch me rock it!

The Plan

Well, happy new year everyone!

I'm finally experiencing a day where both of my kids are somehow sleeping at the same time! I feel like one lucky mama. Now I can blog a little bit, and hopefully won't get interrupted with crying kiddos. So I got an Ipod touch for Christmas, and it has been great. I already feel so much more productive. Instead of having to sit at a computer to "check email, facebook, etc"....and get sucked in forever- (making my kids hate me) I can sit up with them in their room and periodically check on things online. I really like that.

But that is not what this post is about. I was actually thinking- the ipod was a replacement for the Kindle I had before that I would read and do email/facebook on. My kindle got wet one day when it was sharing a car ride in my purse with my water bottle and suddenly the brakes were involved and I guess that water bottle wasn't the highest quality because it leaked out almost all of the water when my purse fell off the seat next to me.

So now I have a much smaller screen for reading, but that is okay. I like it smaller, because its more portable and less likely for me to drop it or have some other problem to deal with. I bought an ebook on amazon just recently. I saw the book linked on Pinterest and went to Amazon to investigate what this book was about.

The book was called, "The Plan" and being someone who really likes it when life has a plan- I was interested in knowing what "the plan" was gonna be anyway. People have asked me a little bit about New Years Resolutions and I haven't exactly decided about any kind of resolution dealing with food or exercising. I just figure I'd continue doing what I have been doing. I was considering starting on "The Gaps Diet" because that is supposed to help heal gut issues, which I still struggle with from time to time. And you get to have lots of bone broth, which I really like the idea of- it being so healing and good for my joints!

Quick sidenote- while I was on vacation just recently, I didn't get to have any homemade bone broth and my knees started cracking when I'd crouch and just be weak again. When I got back I had some broth and I haven't noticed any problems since. I made some turkey broth and I'm excited to have some and enjoy my strong bones and joints!

Okay, back to "the plan". So I've been reading it here and there, now and again on my kindle ever since I got home from vacation. I really want to do it, and I'm just going to make sure that its safe to do while breastfeeding- since it involves a liver cleanse at the first part. I actually really want my husband to do it with me. Still need to ask him to. That way we can both benefit from it.

What is the plan, you ask? Well lemme tell ya. I mean I'm not going to outline the entire plan on here, but I will give you a basic overview because by now, you are probably dying to know, right? So the point of the plan is to FINALLY BE DONE with all sorts of dieting. The plan is a 20 day process you go through to discover what foods work with your body and what foods do not. The foods that do not work with your body cause inflammation- which causes other problems, such as: weight gain, depression, arthritis, IBS, aging, and just all sorts of diseases and problems that can become chronic. A lot of the testimonials I read about it talk about someone with a life long struggle with _______ (well, adult life anyway) and how they finally were able to be healed after they discovered what their "trigger foods" were/are.

The book just barely came out on New Year's Day this year and I love the idea that I'm one of the first people to read it and put it to good use. I have been trying to lose the rest of my baby weight ever since my son was born. I have slimmed down and look alright now but I'd like to lose about 20 more pounds and then stay. I've been working out like crazy for 7 months. I eat decently, but not something like the all raw diet I was did that brought me to a size 2- too small for me I think. I know I have a yeast issue to somehow work out and this does talk about that problem as well.

I already bought the e-book copy, but I am sorely tempted to buy the paper copy too. That way it will be easy to have it all laid out each day with what I am supposed to eat/prepare. I can tell from reading the menus of the first few days why people always lose weight if they have extra weight to lose! Its almost like going all-raw again. I think you don't test out animal foods until several days in. This should be interesting. I also like that they are all about a gentle cleanse, without tons of side-effects. They explain that really well in the book.

I like that she isn't someone who is "all about the supplements" as a daily thing for the rest of your life, but explains supplements that can help people with specific challenges until they are better- so just as a temporary thing. I just need to do some of her easy tests to figure out what would be best. For example, when she describes the thyroid issue- some of the symptoms do make it sounds like I should see if that is something I am dealing with. She said about 80% of women she works with have a thyroid issue (even when a medical test says otherwise).

Anyway, I hope my thoughts weren't too scattered for you readers. It is a lot to think about, and I'm still thinking. Just wanted to get some of my thoughts down, you know? Well, kids are up and I'm off! Ciao!

Giving and Receiving this year

I'm not going to be doing a lot of posting on this blog so much anymore. Just when something has been on my mind for a long period of time and I can't seem to shake it. Like the subject today...I've actually been thinking about this for months, maybe even years. It all started with me wondering "What the right way to give and receive gifts?"

Its always nice to get something that you want, but if somebody is just going out to the store with a list you gave them then it doesn't seem very special. It seems like they are just running your errand for you and not asking to be paid back. Then the exchange includes some type of expectation for a "thank you note" or at least general feeling of "good will" towards this person who ran this errand for you.

Of course some people just buy other people what they themselves want/like. Then the receiver might think "well, this is something they like, and even though I don't like it or want it, I will just smile and be glad that they thought of me". So they smile and say "thank-you" but then it goes immediately into the re-gifting pile.

I actually found something once that I'd given someone close to me in their re-gifting stash and it really hurt my feelings. So I kept asking myself over and over again, "What is the best way to give and receive at Christmas?"

Every family has their own version of what they think is best. With my family, the cycle was kind of like the "starve then binge" cycle that a bulimic person goes through. We get nothing for free the entire year (except for our birthday) and then at Christmas we get all the things we've been needing and sometimes a fun thing too. For my husband he'd say that you should only give "fun things" at Christmas because clothing is a need, and like food, you shouldn't deprive children of their needs when they have them.

I did have to agree with what my husband said, for the most part. But at the same time, I'm so accustomed to getting new clothes at Christmas that I don't know if I can break the cycle. I think I like getting super practical stuff because I know I will use it. It took me a while to be able to differentiate with my husband that I do like practical stuff, but I also like fun stuff.

What does Christmas mean anyways??

So, if you're a Christian, and that is why you celebrate Christmas then we believe it is the time to celebrate Christ's birth and what hope and joy that event brings into our hearts and our lives. So really, its about celebrating joy, and hope- because that is what Christ means- isn't it? We don't physically meet Christ because he isn't with us in the flesh at the moment. So we celebrate the feeling of having Christ with us.

So how can we bring the feelings of "joy" and "hope" into gift giving?

Although every person has their own version, here is what I think. I feel joy that we get to think of each other and what we could do or find that would bring more joy into each other's lives. I feel hope that what I give to others is something that will bring them joy. I feel joy and excitement in receiving the gifts others have chosen to give me. I love the suspense that comes before the surprise.

And sometimes the surprise gets dulled when I get exactly what I want- like something that I put on a with list. But if I get something I totally didn't expect then my new challenge becomes this: "I get to learn how to love this new thing. Someone in my life thought that I would benefit from having this item. I'm excited to learn why they thought I would like it. I'm glad they surprised me and picked out something that they hoped would bring me joy." Its much more exciting getting something I didn't ask for than it is to get something I did ask for.

I know that there are people that just know what they want and they just don't want anything else. Sometimes we have to figure out if getting them what they ask for trumps getting them something that we think could bring them joy. We have to judge- do they have a struggle with "receiving with ease"? or is there a valid reason why I can't be trusted to make a choice on their behalf? I don't know every person in the world, but from my current understanding, I'd have to say that if someone is having a struggle then they may be a pinch too greedy.

Sometimes we get our minds fixed on all the cool new things that we could receive on the happy Christmas day. I know I do. But sometimes when we want something so much, it actually robs us of the chance that we have to just appreciate that others love us and are giving us the best thing that they could find/think of for us. So, why not try to give up the idea of having that thing you want- so bad?

When we can learn to receive with joy and gladness from our loved ones the gifts that they choose, we can experience true happiness. And isn't true happiness the gift that Christ gave to all of us?

Let us give with hope, receive with joy and be most glad in our hearts for the very presence of our loved ones- rather than the "presents" of our loved ones.