Tuesday, February 3, 2015

What makes Texas special

So I keep coming up with blog post ideas and then I forget because I don't have much time to blog! But I've been wanting to do a new and better "what is different in Texas" type of post and so hopefully this post turns out rocking like my imagination has told me it would. I lived in San Antonio for 6 1/2 years and so this is just what I've experienced and perhaps someone else would have a totally different experience than me, and perhaps a different perspective too. I'm from Utah and so that might help with understanding my perspective. With further ado, I'll get right to my list of what is unique about Texas- technically compared to Utah.

  • There are FAR FAR less billboard signs in Texas. And I've driven around a lot of Texas (not all of it but...) and it's the same everywhere in Texas that I've been. You should comment though if you know a place that does have as many billboard signs as Utah that is in Texas. Then I'll have to amend my statement.
  • Of the billboard signs that do exist, most of them are about if you believe in God and state that you should- usually with scripture references. I like this straightforward approach that Christian people here have. 
  • There aren't really very many (I can't think of any) signs that advertise "lustful" type of businesses. Not that those don't exist here, but there aren't billboard signs for them on the freeways and highways here.
  • All the roads are very unpredictable. You cannot depend on any shortcuts that YOU think might get you somewhere faster. It just doesn't work. Follow instructions or you will be lost. You can't really cut through neighborhoods here. San Antonio has a frustrating way of cutting them off from through traffic. I can see how some people would like that, but its not what I'm used to so its been a frustration some of the time.
  •  Most drivers are really good and courteous. BUT you will run into rude drivers specifically during rush hour and weekend late nights when some of the people might be kind of drunk.
  • People actually drive the speed limit here, or less. It's like they take the signs seriously! I mean, woah! Compared to Utah (or even California, haha) that's pretty cool. I really appreciate it feeling like a normal person and obeying the laws of the road. 
  • San Antonio (and the rest of Texas) is NOT FLAT. Stop thinking that or I'll call you flat! ;) Actually the landscape is quite diverse from the north to the south and the east to the west. My favorite is the Hill country. I would have loved to live there! It is very hilly in places!
  • On average, people don't have very big yards here- well unless you are talking about the ranch owners. Then yes they do have big yards. But the neighborhoods all seem to put the houses right close to each other and I don't really like that!
  • People here LOVE their music. And they LOVE to blast their music. Especially my neighbors. I can always hear what they are listening to, when they leave and when they come home. And its not just my neighbors! We went camping here a couple years ago and people had their music blasting at the camps too. It's like people here don't see camping as something you do when you want to "get away" from the commotion of the city and enjoy the peaceful tranquility of nature! Fortunately when we hiked I couldn't hear the music anymore. 
  • I feel like most of the population has a Christian leaning and basic belief in the bible. While I don't see people wearing immodest attire at the gym, I do see lots of bikinis in the summer so I'm not sure what to say about the overall feeling towards modesty. 
  • But I think the favorite sin here is the drinking and partying. People here seem to love to get drunk and be loud and party. Not that those are the only things I've noticed here. But from people I have talked to, that seems the norm. 
  • People are not very judgmental here. Even at church. Or the grocery store. Or the mall. I just feel like there are a lot of people who are just nice and good people. They don't expect you to be anything other than what you already are. So that's kind of nice.
  • Property taxes are HIGH here! But we don't have state income tax, so I guess its a trade-off.
  • People here eat out A LOT! I think there would be mass chaos if suddenly the world "ended" and businesses were no longer functioning. I don't think the majority of people know how to prepare their own food. The restaurants just always seem to be packed. 
  • There are, on average, more overweight people here than places you'd call "crunchy" or where people might have higher standards about their body size and shape. That might have a lot to do with the last bullet point I posted.
  • More women work here- and so most preschool programs are day care programs. It's really hard to find the same kind of preschool that Utah does where kids go a couple times a week for two hours and you can actually afford it. They do have "MDO" or "Mother's Day Out" (a name which makes me feel lazy, personally) and its anywhere from 3-5 hours a day and once or twice a week but it costs anywhere from $150-200 or more a month. *facepalm*
  • Actually I've noticed that anything here involving children is way more expensive than in Utah. This includes kids activities, sports, hobbies, lessons, outings, etc. I thought about putting my son into gymnastic lessons but the prices were ridiculous so we didn't do that. Would you pay close to $100 for a season of soccer for one kid? 
  • In case you haven't seen "Pee Wee Herman's big adventure"...there are no basements here. Its too expensive to dig down. Cheaper to build up. So even if a house looks big from the outside, its really not that big if you realize there is no basement. 
  • People dress much more casual here. Unless the invitation says "after 5 attire" in which case most people just wear black and other people still dress casually in a T-shirt and jeans. In some places I know the norm is to look like you just stepped off the cover of a magazine or off a billboard. I remember sitting in a cafe in Boston and seeing people come out for lunch. Everyone was dressed to the nines. Nothing like that here. My husband and his coworkers have never worn a suit to work. And people stop and notice the times he just chose to dress up with a dress shirt and tie. He used to have "Tie Wednesday" but apparently it didn't catch on for too long. 
  • There seems to be less of a feeling of "pride" here and more of a feeling of "equality". I'm guessing this is because the middle class is very large and people who might be paid less for their profession elsewhere, are paid well for it here. Where some professions pay less than in other places where they could earn more in comparison to other professions there. 
  • People here take their boots seriously, I mean their cowboy boots seriously. Those kind of things are often mocked in Utah but people here will just shoot you (probably, lol) if you make fun of their boots or belt buckle.
  • People here are big FANS. They go nuts for the sports, especially for the Spurs. The businesses give deals on game day so people will choose them to supply the sustenance for the spectators. 
  • One thing about living in San Antonio, and perhaps this could generalize to the whole of Texas is that you aren't afraid of driving an hour or two to get some place. Things are just spread out and far apart here. I've noticed especially many Utahns are squeamish about driving very far to do usual things. 
  • Grass here sucks, for the most part. If you pay extra to get deluxe grass and then you baby it like crazy you might have a decent lawn. But people here don't really care about nice lawns and prospective buyers who were looking at my house hardly batted an eyelash with the weeds I have all over my lawn. 
Well, I think that sums up most of the things that I'd say about Texas. I wanted to write this because people who haven't been here often ask me "Do you like it there?" and I never know what to say because "yes" and "no" aren't fully true. I don't love it, but I don't hate it. It's just different and some of the things about it are preferable while other things are less preferable. I just think that's how it is wherever you go. There's going to be things you like and things you don't like about it. You just have to choose to be grateful for what you have wherever you are. 

Thursday, November 13, 2014


The last post was kind of depressing. I apologize. Since then I've used my imagination a lot to think of all the reasons why my struggle (which I spoke of before) might be a blessing. I've been able to shift my focus a lot and just be grateful for the simple things in life. I can do that even though I am imperfect. And even though I have bad days still sometimes.

I believe that the Lord allows us to have these kind of "weak in the knees" experiences for the purpose of drawing us nearer to him by our own choice.

I haven't felt as inclined to blog because I've just been much more introspective lately and felt more blessed by keeping a lot of my thoughts to myself. I do share some things with people when they appear desirous to know what I have to say. I've been working on my own personal righteousness goals. I've been seeking to know what direction the Lord would like me to take in my life. What a blessing it is to have a surety to knowledge about your life choices because you have sought and received personal revelation on the subject!

I know I am just a person who makes choices like the rest of you who read this blog. Some choices I am proud of and some I regret, and some I think that if I don't make then I might regret it. So I am sharing something that I have found great personal value in and I trust that you as the receiver will know what to do with it or about it as you receive it too. God is always ready and willing to hear your prayers if you need to know something.

If you would trust me, then please go to this link and then this link. Listen to what is said. Have your own experience with it. I'm not going to go into the details. You can act out of faith and trust or just "shake it off" and go your merry way.

Whatever your choice is, I hope you have a blessed day.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

The struggle

Life has really been happening to me lately. So much so that I haven't blogged on here in several months. Things have been busy. We've done a ton of work on our house and I've been getting my Bodyjam certification completed. At the current moment, I've just sent in my video but the house still has much work to be done. I have no idea how long it will take, just that it will take a while and that will depend on money. We don't currently have the money we need to do all the work that needs to be done. If something changes and we receive money soon then we will be able to finish things sooner.

The other thing that has been a concern for quite some time, and for what I'd like to dedicate this blog post to is babies, and the lack thereof, and how to deal with it all. Many people close to me know that I've had two miscarriages in the past year. They were spaced out several months each.

There are a lot of women who have miscarriages in the world, I've come to realize. And there are a lot of people who just don't understand how going through it affects your future. The fact of the matter is, that once you have one then every time you think you might be pregnant, you go through a major roller coaster of emotions. First you get excited and think that for sure this one is going to work out. Then you begin to wonder if you are a fool and are getting excited about nothing. Then you feel certain that you are wrong and doubt everything you've ever thought you knew from your heart. After that I suppose you find out for certain one way or another if you are/were pregnant. After that, if you get a positive answer then you fear that this pregnancy will surely end like the others. If you don't get a positive then you go back to the cycle of never being sure if/when things will happen, wondering if you are wrong about everything and you really were pregnant even though all signs point to "no". It takes a strong amount of faith to move forward and have hope and to not let fear overcome you.

And the hardest part about it is that no one wants to hear about your struggle. They only want to hear it when you finally can say, "I'm pregnant" and even then they only want to hear about it when you are "past the danger zone" (i.e. 13+ weeks along). So you get to bear the pain and struggle and monthly failures and emotional roller coasters until that point when you finally get to be happy and hear other people congratulate you on your good news.

What would happen if you tried to tell everyone how much you are struggling with it all every. single. month.? Would they roll their eyes? Change the subject? Not even hear what you said?

Every month you hope its going to be "the month" of magic. Its finally going to happen. And then BAM. Your hopes are all dashed and the cycle restarts. Frustration, discouragement, depression, and anxiety all set in. You wish you could get off this roller coaster ride but you don't want to not leave the possibility open that you will definitely not have any more kids.

You wonder if you are just being ungrateful for what you've got. You are told to just appreciate what you have.You try to appreciate what you have. But the gaping hole of what you hope for is so large that it just fills you up with emptiness, which doesn't really make sense because how can you be full if you are empty?

So you pray and ask for blessings because something divine is all that can lift you out of this rut. The silent rut you don't feel you can share with anyone. Your soul stretches, your heart breaks, the tears flow, you wonder when you will ever understand all of it. You aren't sure if you have PMS or early pregnancy hormones that are driving you nuts and making you cry about EVERYTHING. You yearn for the day when you get handed a urim and thummin. You'll appreciate it then because of how much you don't know now.

And finally, people will read your blog post and probably think of you as a completely non logical emotional sap and won't take anything you say seriously. You'll hope things get better next time you wake up.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Type- part two: Lines

My house is quiet. Its noon and one son is asleep and the other is at his preschool program. I am ecstatic in a quiet and peaceful way just now! Just had to share that before I write the rest of this post.

So I promised to get to the straight lines- horizontal and vertical on my chart. Here it is again for anyone who needs a refresher:

There are two options for both horizontal and vertical line types here. Left vertical, right vertical, and then high horizontal and low horizontal. I'll just describe the lines in that order.
             High Horizontal             
Left  |                                  | Right
Vertical |                                  | Vertical 
               Low Horizontal               

Left Vertical Line types
A left vertical line in my chart describes a person who is just an ultimate "people person". They probably have a messy room (child/teen) or messy house (adult) because they prioritize people way way above tasks. However, its possible that they know this about themselves and have either hired a maid, or devised a system to help them keep their house clean an orderly. But it is likely their tendency that they have a lot of clutter because they are so deeply attached to the people who gave them the things that are cluttering their space. Its also possible that they just keep getting distracted by life and so the clutter keeps piling up.

But like I said, they are much more concerned about the people around them- whether that be at home, at work, or at school. They want these people to be happy, comfortable, and just overall in a good place. They'll do whatever they think is best/right to help others get to that place. They probably stay late- after any occasion/event to chat and connect with people. They view other people in a complex way- not so much as straight forward but as super unique. They probably don't believe in "type" all that much because they think everyone is just so different. (This phenomenon is also true of a Descending forward diagonal Line.)

However, their internal side gives them insight into what other people are experiencing. They can see what bothers other people and what gives them delight. They are much more likely to try to cater to the comforts of other people close to them than they are to prioritize their own needs/wants ahead of others. And they certainly don't usually prioritize tasks ahead of people, but would likely complete tasks quickly so that they can be able to socialize adequately when an opportunity arises. Or, they will hope that other people will help them to complete their tasks because they don't see it as very rewarding. (Unless it helps them to enjoy socializing more!)

Right Vertical Line types
A Right Vertical Line in my chart describes a person who is very focused- on tasks. In their mind, dealing with people is quite a different experience in comparison to a left vertical line person. One of their tendencies would be to enjoy people when "the task comes first" such as: teaching a group of people something new that they have already excelled at. Another tendency is to see "people as tasks" who they must mark off their list in order to feel like they are a good person. In my last post, I used the example of "write Grandma a letter" but it could be something like "Ask Jeanette why carrots come in different colors". In each example its "engage this person in a task" and hopefully that also means friendship to them. If you have a feeling you are dealing with one of these people, then expressing respect and/or appreciation for what they have done is a good way to connect with them. In their mind, they see themselves as a sort of extension of the tasks they have done, will do, or are doing. 

They tend to have a sort of set viewpoint that isn't easily altered. If they respect you then they may value what you say and consider it against what they already believe. They might not understand when they offend left side people by just being themselves- meaning not thinking about how the other person feels/thinks when they are just "doing what they do". I heard a great example of this from someone who said she was teaching a fitness class with another instructor and sort of joking with the other instructor (kind of at the other's expense). Well, the other instructor didn't understand she meant no harm by it and so she started throwing back rude remarks, all while teaching this class (two can play this game!). Meanwhile, the class was feeling awkward because the instructors were insulting each other while teaching the class together. 

I think its actually quite easy to spot these people. They don't smile much, unless its required or heavily advised. They stick to the task and they do it well. They know what they are good at and they stick to that. Don't expect them to get all "sweet talky" or "smiley/emotional" just to connect with someone else. They are only likely to get disappointed or emotional when "the task" wasn't done right. Or perhaps if something happens to someone close to them, but even then they are focusing on the tasks surrounding the person as opposed to "the person". 

High Horizontal or Top Line types
These people are likely to be nearly equal in their approach/concern with people and tasks. They are serious movers and shakers. They will get stuff done, be everyone's friend, and book a trip across the world or country in a single day. They are just going, going, going. They are very externally focused. Not only are they focused on the people around them, but they are focused on the tasks around them. And its pretty much a guarantee that they will always be high achievers, or at least seen that way by other people. Because in their mind, the more stuff they are doing and the more people they meet, the better! 

Now before you get all jealous of these people, lets just mention a few things that come as a challenge to them. They aren't very careful at all, neither are they naturally orderly, organized, or well thought out. If they seem to have it all together, its because they've figured out from their experiences what just doesn't work in any given scenario. They probably have made some mistakes in their lives and been extremely repentant about it and vowing to never make that same mistake again. The mistakes they make might not be some kind of moral transgression so much as just trying something out, hoping it will work, and they coming to the realization that they were wrong about that thing and "all that energy spent on that project is wasted". But they are likely to still see the value in their experiences and even if something didn't work out they will value the relationships they made and the things they did accomplish.

They are more likely to be risk takers and want to try more daring sports like jumping out of an airplane or cliff diving. Life is an adventure for these people and no experience is too small an adventure to "give it a go", in their book. They usually gain their value system on what they experience firsthand in their childhood and youth. They usually have a very strong value system and morality which they won't easily depart from. They also might not believe in "type" because they really have so many things going on in their lives and to them, "Nothing is impossible!"

Low Horizontal or Bottom Line types
Last, but not least are these bottom line types. They are also equally aware of tasks and people in their life but much, much more internal in their life processes. These are the types who would much rather stay at home than go out and have an adventure or be stuck in a huge multitude of people. They are textbook introverts who would rather read or do their hobby in peace and quiet. Their minds are very orderly and intuitive. Their life experience is more about what is going on in their mind and heart than what is going on outside of themselves. 

A bottom line person has no idea what you are doing if you are sitting next to them at work. They are completely focused on what they are doing and getting every detail right. In their home environment, they are very well aware of the tasks and people that matter to them. They probably have projects going at home that matter more to them than their neighbors next door do, quite frankly. The tasks that they accomplish, they accomplish well. And the friends that they keep, are good friends indeed.

I had a friend/neighbor who is this type, and to be honest, she was one of the most thoughtful friends I've ever had. She seemed to be intuitively aware of what was going on with me and she wasn't too shy to say or do what needed to be done. Most of the friends I've kept have been more extroverted and so it took me a while to appreciate the sincere, sweet gifts of service and intuition that she offered me.

One of the challenges that this type faces is that because they tend to exist beneath the surface, and be sort of a "downward" type, they may become excessively critical and perfectionistic. This can drive them to depression because they see all the flaws and imperfections and their emotional side is strong as well. Too much stimulation can really bother these people and cause them to feel chaotic and a lack of peace. They really need that peace, serenity, comfort, and intellectual stimulation. If you sit down to play a strategic game with them, watch out! They are very clever and in tune with the other people around them.

. . . . . .  . . . . . .  . . . .
Thanks for reading about my interpretation of "type". I'm going to go back and read my last post to decide if I was complete enough on my description of the diagonal combination types. I'd love to hear if you found this interesting or how you related to it. :)

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Essential oils journey- YL vs. Doterra

If you should by chance, choose to do a google search of "Which essential oils company is best?" you will be in for the ride of your life! That just happened to me. I think up until this point I was just trusting that the people who have directed me to this company or that company were sincere and had done their homework. Isn't that what we all think? Who has time to figure out all of this stuff anyways? 

Before you start freaking out about what this post is going to be, just take a deep breath. I have a few points that I want to make that will help calm the flame within. 

First point is, chances are that if you are using essential oils from a company who does have standards and does test for purity and if you like what you are experiencing from them, then hey- that is wonderful! Congratulations! You are doing awesome! Its much better to be doing that than to be taking meds which only toxify your body and create more problems in the long run.

My second point is, there may in fact be a "best essential oil company" out there- maybe. But chances are, that even going with something that is still certified pure or something like that, its probably still a good choice. The amount of "betterness" you receive from switching from company A to company B may or may not be drastic. I don't actually know for sure.

Here is what I think so far about the essential oils I have used. And I hope to be able to experience more from other companies in the future.  For now, I've only experienced Young Living, Doterra, and Butterfly express. (actually only one oil from B.E.) I feel like between the first two there are pros and cons. Both do MLM to offer the "better deal" to their customers. But here are some differences that I found:

*I preferred the Peppermint oil from YL over the Doterra one. Perhaps this has to do with the "complete distillation" method they apparently use. (Its not the first distillation) I have no idea what distillation YL uses but I liked their peppermint oil better.

*I preferred the orange oil from Doterra over the YL equivalent. The smell was just heaven, I mean who can argue with that?

*I much preferred the YL blends "Valor" and "Peace and Calming" over the Doterra brands "Balance" and "Serenity".  But I do really like "Elevation" from Doterra.

*I think YL has a much larger selection of oils to choose from than Doterra. One may prefer more options or greater simplicity.

*YL has been around longer than Doterra, but it is said that Doterra started from some people who split off from YL and apparently hoped to create a better company.

*The YL oils seem more dense or thick than the Doterra oils. I hope that makes sense how I said that. When I pour out any of the Doterra oils, they come out very quickly- whereas YL oils can be much slower to come out of the bottle. I'd like to know the reason for this difference.

*Both companies sell products other than their oils. YL has a Ningxia Red product line, cleaning products, supplements and Doterra has supplements, personal care products and a skin care line. I do own the Thieves cleaner but haven't used it extensively. I don't know why, I just haven't known what to do with it or how to use it.

I have been using both the LLV pack from Doterra and the skin care line. I do like those products. I feel like a happy balanced person when I take their supplements daily. I think the skin care line is nice but it isn't as good as this other super expensive and natural skin care line that I have used called "Eminence". But it is more affordable and does feel nice. I wouldn't be able to say that it quickly and effectively cleared up the breakouts I was having a while ago but I still felt like it was pretty good as far as cleaning my skin and making it feel nice.

I'm kind of hesitant to move toward the company that my google searches/blog posts deemed as "best" because they don't really carry similar product lines and I guess I just love these Doterra supplements. But I thought, maybe I'd try a few of their oils and see how they compare. So I still need to do that. The company most highly recommended for their oils was "Native American Nutritionals" and I bet they are good.  But it is difficult doing too many different things- ordering from too many companies just to get the few that I like the best.

In conclusion, I just think that if you use essential oils regularly- then you are my friend! I don't care what kind of oils you use. Hopefully you do care about getting something with a reputation for decent quality rather than purchasing the very cheapest option with no regard for quality. I will have to post again after I've had a chance to try these highly touted oils from NAN.

Bottom line- here is how I think Doterra and YL compare on five categories:
1. More oil blends- Young Living
2. Greater simplicity and better marketing- Doterra
3. Better customer service- Doterra
4. Easier to understand online system- Doterra
5. Longer History (been around)- Young Living

Thursday, June 26, 2014

How I see "Type"

So yesterday I was talking to my mom and she's been reading "The Child Whisperer" by Carol Tuttle (in my opinion, the best book she has written about the four types). Our conversation was just about how we see each other and the members of our family in the types and how they see themselves. I always think that is fun because you can learn a lot about someone by hearing their feedback about how they see themselves. Anyways, I realized during this conversation that it is sometimes very difficult to explain the four types so that everyone will get it. Because you say one thing and every person in a group could have a different perception about that. So this motivated me to take action today and try to simplify things for anyone who is still confused.

For whatever reason, I've found it interesting to study various four type systems. It seems like there are so many different books out there which all address four basic types and its funny because I think that essentially, they are all saying the same thing but in slightly different ways. 

 I've also come to know that some people perceive certain behaviors as "right" or "wrong" and well, that often is just how someone works and so labeling them or the behavior as "right" or "wrong" doesn't really help us to see them for who they really are. And for me and most people close to me, I think the ideal goal is to see other people more like how God sees them. I do think he sees us as individuals with specific tendencies- character strengths and challenges. For every strength/challenge combo that someone has, someone else out there is rolling their eyes- unfortunately! I think we can just see each other as whole human beings and appreciate what each other has to offer rather than presuming that they should be just like us- as is human nature.

Okay so, here is how we decode this chart in case you are looking at it and feeling confused.

Left and Right Sides
 The two types on the left are more dominantly focused on people and relationships. The two types on the right are more dominantly focused on tasks. To avoid confusion, everyone has some kind of relationship between people and between tasks. But its where the priority is. People are more important than tasks for the two types on the left and for the two types on the right- tasks are what they understand and prioritize. Try not to interrupt the people on the right if they are intensely focused on a task- unless its urgent. Interestingly enough, the "task" people come to see people in terms of "tasks". 

Here is an example of how this works: Grandma sends a birthday card/gift and this action creates a reaction for a task oriented person to write a thank-you note, and so whether mentally or tangibly, "write a thank-you note to grandma" is on the list of something to do. Doing this action will hopefully create the reaction in grandma that she feels loved and is happy to see us next time we visit her. When this happens, a task oriented person sees themselves as successful because they achieved the result (Grandma's reaction) they desired. A person who is more people centered might think of more ways to relate back to grandma than just the standard "thank you note" option. They might call, visit, or just start thinking about how nice it was that grandma made that effort to send something even though she is old and frail. So there might be a whole big thought bubble about it and how much of that they act on would be more in reference to what they have time for and are capable of doing.

Another example of task oriented people seeing people as "a task" is the idea that if I get a job, I can get farther in that job by schmoozing with these people- even though I don't really like them a whole ton just yet. So on the mental "to do list" goes "schmooze with boss/coworkers" during my time at work. Whereas a people oriented person doesn't really see this as a task, they just do it-naturally, without thinking.

Up and Down Arrows
Think of the up and down arrows as general preferences and movement for these people. Up would relate more to external world things- being more of an extrovert, for example, responding to the external world first, wanting life to keep going at a HIGH pace, staying positive. Basically anything you'd relate to the direction of "Up" and "outward" and "above the surface" is what I mean with the up arrows.

The down arrows relate more to the idea of downward, below the surface, introvert, what is on the inside of us, the iceberg analogy, understanding life from the inside first. Downward also relates to a slower pace, perhaps more steady and more thought-out before outward action is begun. On the people oriented side, this looks like the ability to remain calm or calm others easily. On the task side, a down arrow means these people are good at seeing the flaws in a task. Accomplishing a lot of tasks isn't as important for these people as is doing certain tasks CORRECTLY. They are the people that will sometimes point out the flaws in the logic on my blog articles. They see their ability to critique others as a gift and don't give it lightly. Often they'll only give it if they sense they are respected enough to offer it. 

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

So, if a task oriented person sees people as "tasks" then does a people oriented person see tasks as people? Ha, ha, ha. Does that even make sense to anyone? How people oriented people get tasks done is just not very straight forward. They either don't get tasks done in any efficient way, or if they do it is because they are relating to people as they do them. It might mean they get their friend to work with them to accomplish the task, or they listen to their favorite music while doing the task. It might mean that they wait for the task oriented spouse to give them their orders about what needs to be done and when. (I have to laugh here because this is exactly how it works with Nick and me!) 

Its not to say that people-oriented people can't keep a house clean ever, or that they don't clean or won't clean. Its that if there are people in their space (spouse or children or friends)- they come first. They will see to their children's needs before they think of cleaning. And they probably don't necessarily take that much joy in the act of cleaning or organizing. But they probably like a clean house- I mean who doesn't, right?

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

So where it can get confusing is when you most dominantly relate to the types diagonally across from each other. This is actually the case for me and for Nick. If we drew lines to represent each of us, you would see an "X" on the chart. Nick being the leaning back slant and me being the leaning forward slant. And as I type that I can see how it so true- I am pushing forward in life and Nick is leaning back! So funny! I didn't even know that would happen.

Your line could be a vertical line or a horizontal line if you connected the two types you think are most like you. For the diagonal people, it can get confusing because you have polar opposite things going on in your psyche. A leaning forward slant is really excited about getting stuff done but they also really don't want to hurt other people's feelings if at all possible. However their challenge is that because they are so excited about their tasks and doing them quickly, they can affect other people negatively when they are interrupted in their "super important task". They have to remind themselves that the people around them are an important task too!

The leaning back diagonal line has the challenge of both wanting to relate to people in a fun and social way, but also wanting their own separate space to do the tasks alone that they enjoy (aka their hobbies). They want their own time and space regularly to be alone and in solitude and experience quiet but they also want to be around other people and have fun. So that's kind of a polar opposite too and sometimes creates a challenge in understanding yourself and others who are like this.

I'll talk about horizontal and vertical lines in my next post because right now I gotta jet and go practice Bodyjam. My hope for this post and information is that its easy and straightforward for people to see themselves and others. Until next time!

P.S. I'm not sure how to get the comment option back on the blog. I went to the settings and turned it on, or so I thought but still there is nothing! So if you have a comment, email or fb msg me I guess for now, until I can fix that! Thanks!

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Hate and Love

Tonight I was lying in bed and searching for something inspiring to read on my smart phone. I have a bunch of LDS apps and I hadn't used the LDS blogs one much. So I went on there and looked a few blogs including the Al Fox blog which is pretty famous in the LDS culture as the tattooed girl that has an amazing testimony and love of the gospel. Then I came across The Well Behaved Mormon Woman blog and chose to check it out at random among the other blogs that looked less intriguing (judging by their titles).

It quickly occurred to me that this was the blog (or one of them anyway) where someone took a strong stance about the recent Disney Movie, Frozen, and about how its shaped completely from "the gay agenda" and is liberal and progressive and yada-yada. I actually hadn't seen a link to this blog post before but I did see links to blog posts on facebook about responses to this blog post (or something exactly like it).

My experience while reading this blog post was quite incredulous. I felt shock and embarrassment that this woman would choose to represent the church I know and love this way. I guess that she would choose to represent Christ this way, is the shocking part. The other hard to swallow part is that she is clearly coming out strong against not only the movie, but gays, and liberals and progressives- but then she also states that she is not against gays, has a liberal mormon friend, and that she loves the movie. WHAT?!?!?! I feel a sense of whiplash because I don't know what part is true- I mean is both of it true- she loves it and she hates it? Or she loves it but she's going to bash it and all people who have same sex attraction- anyway?

I don't even think I can start to believe what she is saying because she spends so much of the post just rambling on and on without giving evidence. Then finally- if you scroll down a mile and a half she starts talking about why and how the message HAS TO represent the progressive agenda and gay people. And what she doesn't say but to me, it seems clear is that because this movie is clearly all about gays and their struggles, that those of us who are all about man+woman is marriage should shun it. But then again, she says that she loves the movie and has seen it several times. So, um...another round of whiplash. Is she saying its good or its bad?? I'm confused. Her message is pretty confusing to me!

Here's what I think. I think there are a lot of ways that people can see this movie. I don't think it completely and perfectly parallels any one of the struggles people face and feel they have to hide. What I do love about this movie is that it picked up on a general undertone of society today- and that is learning to love and accept yourself exactly as you are. And not just that, but loving and accepting other people exactly as they are. Of course that applies to gays as well. Is that really a bad thing? They have a very real struggle. Their families have a very real struggle, especially when they are growing up LDS or another Christian based faith that doesn't view homosexual activities as pure.

Another thing that I don't like about most Frozen blog posts is that everyone seems to only focuses on the "Let it go" part. It's like they completely miss the part where Elsa realizes that her actions do affect other people and she can't just go be free and live alone. She realizes that she has a responsibility to her kingdom and to her sister. In the end she sees her freezing problem as something fun and useful. I guess I don't see how that part parallels gay marriage equality. Maybe I'm just really naive or uninformed. I apologize. I don't really have close friends who are openly homosexual. Maybe I'm living in a bubble and one day it will burst.

I feel many things after reading this post. Sadness, because I think that most devout Mormons aren't all about bashing gays or Disney movies, or just being full-on paranoid. Somewhat paranoid too, I guess reading a post from a paranoid perspective makes me feel extra paranoid! Maybe the solution to the problem isn't in reviling but in showing more love and expressing your perspective in a respectful and more easy to read manner. I feel kind of annoyed too. I have been wanting to move back to Utah and this just reminds me of the bipolar-ism that exists there between everyone who has a black or white view. It seems like the members there can't stay on the same page and are basically at war with themselves. Its just not like that in Texas. But you also don't have a culture that is centered around family and the same traditions like Utah is. Sometimes when I've visited Utah I've felt like I have had to hide who I really am so the HATERS don't bash and rail against me!

When I first moved down here I was so afraid of everyone- because none of my neighbors were LDS. Some of them claimed to be Christian but all the Christian churches today are changing with society and so I think that in the end, the LDS church may be the only one who really holds traditional views of marriage and follows all ten commandments! Anyway, I was seriously scared to get to know anyone! What if they find out I don't drink or "party"!? They'll want an explanation and I'll have to talk about my church and then they'll hate on me and I'll feel like I have to hide...I'm just gonna stay hidden so I don't have to deal with all of that! Anyway, that is what used to go through my mind. That went on for a couple of years and then I just ended up going inactive and stepping away from the church and thinking that everyone else must be right and I must be wrong- because I've lived my entire life around almost all LDS people who live a certain way and now that I'm around people that are just people- all sorts- I'm not sure who to believe or WHAT!!

So I was inactive and doing my own thing- trying to discover my own truth for about a year or less, maybe. But I got so, so lonely. The church was the only way I had friends. I didn't really know how to make friends with just the people around me. There weren't any givens with them. I would have to figure them out from scratch! Eek!!! Scary! I did make a few friends with some really good people and tried their truth on for size. Ultimately I felt confused and I slowly began to realize that at least for me "you can take the Mormon out of Utah, but you can't take the 'Utah Mormon girl' out of me". That probably doesn't make much sense to several people reading this. But what I mean was that in my heart and mind and soul I was still this Mormon girl who was confused and not sure of herself at all. I had lived a life where I looked to everyone else to tell me who I should be. I don't know why I did this and I'm not trying to assign someone else the blame of it all.

But just for the fun of it, we can just reflect. Was it the culture that created this for me? Was it ingrained from my family? Did I choose to believe this way because that is just who I am? Maybe all of those things played a part. Here is another question. Is it really so wrong to look to other people and your "tribe" to define yourself? Isn't it a given? For those "energy people" out there, its the base/root chakra energy that being all stirred up! Some of you are probably like- "wait aren't YOU one of those weird energy people!?!" That's what a massage lady at the gym asked me recently when I requested that, at the end of my massage, she wipe my back off (so as to neutralize any tension in my muscles). I was confused, not even sure if I was one of those "energy people"...what does that mean?

Here I go now, just rambling on like that other lady. You see, that's why you don't hate on people and their dumb blog posts! Because you just end up doing the same thing!! Actually I've seen some really thoughtful blog posts that obviously were written with great care and thought, so it might just be my temperament or something.

So what's the point, Trish? You're supposed to have one, you know, because you're a dominant type 3!! There is a point and I guess it's just that this sort of thing just stirs up a lot for me. The positive thing is that I know that I'm not the only one who's got stuff going on that's getting stirred up. Gay people aren't the only ones with issues! Surprise! The thing is that once you play the "insecurity" card against someone it really it just a reflection of yourself. If you feel irked by someone then its really about something within you that wants to be resolved. Its something within you that isn't whole. That's why love is always going to win. You can't win with hate, you only create more hate. I've tried playing that card and it just never gets me far. The love card goes a lot further.

I don't understand the struggles that homosexuals face. But I do understand my own struggles. Do I want to keep them hidden? Yeah, most of the time. It seems like if I can minimize them then for a time they sort of just evaporate or go invisible. Yes I do feel really insecure about my struggles. Yes I'm afraid I would be alienated by people because of my struggles if I opened up completely and let them all out. Because the thing is, the people who would do that are comparing my weaknesses to their own strengths and they aren't even thinking about where they are falling short. We all are falling short. In some way. Some of us have addictive behavior patterns, some of us have same sex attraction, some of us are more mean than necessary, some of us a lot of us have lots of unresolved issues from our childhood.

What I wish that LDS people would understand is that the world isn't somehow more sinful than it ever has been. If you think that then you haven't read the Bible or the Book of Mormon in their entirety because some of those people were pretty darn wicked. You see anyone around here sacrificing children and women to idols? Do you see people murdering their family members and sleeping with a sword? I'm not going to say that those things are absolutely not happening at all anywhere in the world today (because how am I supposed to know, I'm just a blogger- and one who is rarely read by anyone!). But do you see that happening? There are some things that society is succeeding at. But the thing is, there has ALWAYS been wickedness in the world. Ever since the fall. Any sin is TOO MUCH SIN. That is why we all need the atonement of Jesus Christ. Don't look at someone and say that their sin is worse than yours. See their sins and offer your love. Then maybe they'll feel like they are worth it after all, and maybe then they'll start trying again. Many people have given up and lost hope of ever being good or coming close. That is why, instead of offering your judgments upon them you offer them your love.

I know that seems like a huge standard. I know I'm not perfect at it. I'd love to say that I was the perfect example of this and then tell everyone how to be as amazing as I am. But no I guess all I can say is that I'm human, you're human. Forgive yourself, forgive others. Christ condemned sin but not imperfect people. He showed love and offered us the ultimate hope and ability to overcome our temptations and challenges. He is there for you and for me if we only seek Him out.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Bottom line...its about FAMILY

There are so many things I want to blog about and I don't know if I ever will be able to blog about them. I was talking to a Dad at the park the other day (he was swinging his daughter next to me swinging my son) and he told me he works from home as a writer. So I told him that I like writing too but I'm pretty sure no one will pay me to write. He replied that of course they would! All of this without knowing if my writing is good or crap. I don't even know that. I just know that I write what is on my mind and I guess its up to the reader to decide if its worthy of anything or not.

Oh my gosh, the most amazing thing just happened. My sons were in their room (they were supposed to be cleaning it), and suddenly I realize its silent. So I go and check on them and sure enough, they are sound asleep. BOTH OF THEM!!! AT THE SAME TIME!!! AHHHH!!! THE CROWD MOM GOES WILD!!! Thank you Angels, Jesus, whoever made that possible!!

After some thought, I think I know what I want to blog about. I wish I could write the perfect blog post that would be so clear and eloquent and everyone would just ooh and aww about it. However, I don't think that I typically write those kind of blog posts so I guess this will just be whatever it is.

I sense that there is so much war going on in the world. And some of the war is with guns and knives and some of it is with words and/or physical violence. And some of the war is on facebook and in blog posts and/or replies. And what's interesting about war is how it just begets more war. I get upset sometimes about certain phenomenons that I discover (and believe are just wrong) that are going on in the world. Part of me is upset because I feel kind of helpless to stop what is happening. And then part of me thinks- whatever- I am just going to write something that will show the world they are just wrong!

And so, my retaliation against whatever "wrong" I perceive is kind of me fighting back, and just more war. And then I'm sure the people who disagree with me are ready to fight back! (Or ignore me and hope I just shut up!) And anyway, I just wonder if fighting back is the right answer or if just trying to be more Christlike is the right answer. There IS A POINT, however that I think a sharp reprimand is called for. But I have to face the fact that if I am giving "a sharp reprimand" then well, am I perfect enough to even stand there and say that?

On the other hand, saying and doing nothing when I perceive that some injustice is happening doesn't seem like a good option. Perhaps this is where good language skills come in to play. I'm always impressed with the language on these early 1900s shows like Pride and Prejudice or Downton Abbey. The characters (though well rehearsed) always have a reply that is eloquent and well thought out- and immediate! How do they do that? Oh yeah, they memorize the script! But I mean, did people back then have much better language because they practiced language more? I mean, I read (or started reading rather) this book written by a man who lived back then and it was so eloquent (and hard to understand for me) that I guess people did speak like that all the time back then. I think that is part of the draw-in of Downton Abbey, perhaps the other part is the drama of it all and then there's the element of feminism that started back then and is clearly still alive and well today (even if it now has new agendas).

I saw this quote somewhere:

"Praise what you love instead of bashing what you hate."

I keep thinking about that. I mean, it sounds good but I guess if what I hate keeps deceiving people to spend time in ways that will create problems for society then shouldn't I bash it? For example, debt. Shouldn't we all be bashing debt? Shouldn't there be more "Dave Ramsey" people/followers using CASH (aka real money) instead of just subconsciously swiping the card time and time again?! And not just doing it but telling people that this is the right way to do it! Companies have been deceiving people for so long with debt and lies and distancing them from the real feeling that they get from using cash and now this entire nation is filled with debt and people who feel entitled to every material blessing under the sun (in spite of the level of their personal level of dedication to hard work). 


And then there's feminism. And my facebook friends all know that I recently posted a nice little bash about feminism the other day. Here is what I don't understand about it, and how it is that some people think its so great... If you are specifically FOR WOMEN and their rights, and their education, and their level of _____ in society then WHAT ABOUT MEN?? Should we be for BOTH MEN AND WOMEN having rights and education and achieving success? I can hear the feminists now- "But men are already successful...blah, blah, blah..." WELL, ARE THEY??

If divorce is still around 50% then how can we say that men are winning? If boys are not performing as well in school as girls and dropping out and once they grow into men- are they winning? Are boys and girls who grow up without a father figure in their life WINNING? A daughter without a strong father figure in her life goes looking for someone to validate her worth, and often its through a boy who is just looking for some fun and pleasure. A boy without a father figure in his life doesn't have anyone to lead him to be a successful provider for his future family. You know, the one who thinks they don't need him in the first place?

It seems like these feminists no longer agree that family is most valuable. Because to them, achievement outside of the home is what is a worthy endeavor. Working mom: "What do you do all day, stay at home mom? Because I work all day." There are women out there saying this, every day. HELLO AND WAKE UP!!! YOU ARE SO, SO, SO WRONG!!

You know what really IS an appreciating asset in today's world? Women who CAN have children, and the children they can have. (Infertility crisis anyone?) And not only that, but women who WANT TO BE MOTHERS, and women who want to take center stage in the lives of their children. And not only that, but WOMEN who choose marriage, choose to have children, AND THEN- THEY KEEP WANTING TO BE A MOM AND FEEL VALUABLE AS A HUMAN BEING, YES- JUST BEING A MOM!!! Can a child be replaced? Can a mother be replaced? But how about a secretary, a teacher, an engineer, a counselor? Any mom who works outside the home could be replaced should something happen to her. But a mom who works diligently inside the home CANNOT BE REPLACED. NO ONE, NOT ANYONE cares for the wellbeing of her child/children as much as their mother. I don't care how low her self-esteem is. I don't care if she feeds her kids food from the frozen section of Walmart. That's not the point. The point is SHE IS THEIR MOM. NO ONE CAN CHANGE THAT!! AND THEY ARE HER CHILDREN. And if she values her husband's ability to provide and her ability to mother to her own personal ability, and because she values the people who her children become- then yes she will give up all of these crazy ideals in society that she can "HAVE IT ALL" by working her life away and sending the government more money.

The progressive thinkers of today want us to quit thinking that Mothers and Fathers are an essential part of society today. They start by giving women the belief that raising their family by being a homemaker is completely worthless. Then they slap on their feminist logos and say that a woman without an education and a career is nothing. She is nothing if she isn't being taxed by the government. Oops, did I say that out loud?! You mean, the government WANTS women to work so they have MORE PEOPLE to tax? They are the ones who print the money...so hey wait that does make sense! I get it now! Before I get carried away, I do feel strongly that every woman has the right (or should have) to education. (Just  bear in mind that the government has their hand over public education too, so I mean, maybe we need to rethink about education a little bit. I mean, beyond basic life skills...)

What I think is that we need more women who believe in FAMILY. Women who LOVE to be at home and who KNOW THEIR WORTH. We need more women and men who want to create a successful marriage together. Women and men who will spend time (and money on "other people's wives") so that they can get married!! We need women and men who want to be good mothers and fathers.  Because too many people in society today don't care about what happens to their children. They just send them off to daycare and assume "its all good". We need men who are willing to work and provide for their family. We need young men and young women who value each other enough to not get involved with promiscuity and immorality and bring children into the world that first off they cannot afford, and second- will forever feel the sting of being "not wanted" because they were adopted, and third- fill their entire lives with the regret of aborting their unborn child and never knowing what might have been. (I will say also, that in reality- adopted children ARE LOVED AND WANTED by the good people who adopt them. I hope that you know that if you are an adopted child!)

And finally, we need people who will STOP AND THINK about family. If you felt the pain of a broken home as a child then DON'T RE-CREATE ONE for your future children. Don't do things that will later create divorce. If you felt that you didn't get enough attention from your parents as a child then BE THERE FOR THEM!! Give up your selfish hopes and maybe live on less so that you can be there for your children and create a relationship with them that will be of much higher value than a smartie-pants-gadget toy. 

It is the little things that make or break our homes, and the future homes of our children. Its the time you left work early to support your children and/or wife in a time of need. Its the time you stopped writing your blog post and turned around to hug your child. It's the time you called up that one family member to reconnect and help them feel loved. Its the time you never wrote all the blog posts or finished all those projects because your family needed you. Connect or reconnect today. With your children, with your parents, with whoever you call family. 


Wednesday, January 22, 2014

How to help your friend, sister, daughter, mother, etc. who has just had a miscarriage

Hi, I'm Trish.
I'm an avid control freak.
I was reading over some of my past posts and thinking- woah I can get really obsessive sometimes! I hope the people that read my crazy posts will stop and realize (at some point anyway!) that once I get it out then I usually move on and don't feel as obsessed. Oh well, probably the people that I bug the most have just stopped reading my blog by now because I've tired them out.


Well, anyway I've been thinking a lot about dealing with miscarriage and how little I knew about it before it happened to me, and then about how some people say absolutely nothing to me because (well I assume this) they don't know what to say or do. So I thought I would write a few things about what is best to say and/or do when someone close to you has a miscarriage.

Right thing to say: I'm so sorry for your loss.
Wrong thing to say: Oh well just try again and I'm sure things will work out!

Right thing to say: Can I bring a meal/watch your kids for you sometime?
Better thing to do: Just go over and get them, or go over with the meal!
Wrong thing: Well, if I can do anything let me know...
(Miscarriage doesn't really bring out the assertiveness in women, I find.)

Right thing to do: Send flowers with a nice card. Or even just a nice letter so she knows you are thinking about her.
Wrong thing to do: Send candy/treats.
*The reason I say don't send treats is because this woman is likely going to have an emotional roller coaster ahead of her. Miscarriages can really disrupt hormone balance. Sugar may comfort her briefly but when she gains 20 lbs from eating her problems, trust me she won't thank you!

Right thing to do: Call her regularly and check in to see how she is doing.
Wrong thing: Wait til she calls you, after she's had yet another breakdown.

Right thing to suggest: She may benefit from a few sessions with a grief counselor. (Counselors such as these are trained to know what to say that will help a woman who is going through this.)
Wrong thing to suggest: This baby wasn't meant for her, the fetus wasn't good enough, timing wasn't right, etc. (It's not really up to you to tell her any of these things, and none of them will bring her any comfort even if something like it is somewhat true.)

Right thing to do: Allow her as much time as she needs to grieve, and allow her to grieve in whatever way she feels is right for her. Show as much compassion as you can muster for her.
Wrong thing to do: Expect her to be "over it" at some point in time. Would you ever expect someone to get over it completely whose child died- whether in birth, or from sickness, or from a tragic accident? Not all women will have the same time table when it comes to grieving this kind of loss, so please be understanding even if her experience is very different from your own, or someone else's you've heard about.

Practical suggestions you can give to a woman who really seems to be struggling with miscarriage...

**I may not be a doctor but I did do a lot of research and I've tried some things, and actually received a lot of suggestions on what can help bring back some balance. It is amazing how many women have had this trial in their life, and yet how little it is talked about and understood by the general public.

*B12 supplements- a suggestion from my midwife who had also suffered this affliction (I've been using a spray I bought off Mercola.com and that has been helpful and easy!)
*Red Raspberry Leaf tea- it can actually stimulate your body to produce more progesterone. I read this in a book that was conveniently lying on top of my fridge.
*Maca root- it can help balance hormones. I have some powder that I put in my morning smoothie. I muscle tested all the kinds at whole foods til I found the one that gave me the strongest response.
*Progesterone cream- usually women with menopause rub this into their skin, but women suffering miscarriages also can benefit. I just ordered some from Amazon yesterday and am waiting for it to arrive.
*Clarycalm essential oil blend- I just recently signed up with Doterra and my sponsor was hosting an event where she was scanning hands and her computer system/program came back with suggestions for essential oils that would put this person's "biomarkers" back into balance. This was the number one recommendation I received and she actually just handed me the one she had once I told her why I was so out of balance. It has been another helpful thing I've been using and it smells quite nice too.
*Elevation essential oil- this is also a Doterra oil. It is great for giving an instant uplift- it has a wonderful aroma- I just love it. I'm so glad I included it on my month's order this month. (If you don't want to sign up for a Doterra account, you can buy the oils on Amazon.)

Some final thoughts...
I think that a woman's dominant energy type can sort of show up here as she grieves. So, as a dominant type 3 (secondary 2) woman, I will have periods of extreme (like explosive) emotional distress where I am crying so hard that I can hardly breathe, followed by periods where I am pretty sure life has gone back to normal and I'm just fine, followed by more inconsolable crying fits that I just don't understand. The thing is, I just want to feel normal again and like I can move forward and discover the right path for me and follow it. But as I move forward, inevitably its as if a dark hand reaches towards me and drags me backward by my ankle- causing me to feel like I'm not making any progress at all. It is hard to bear because I've just come from a place where I've felt (and even told people) that I'm on the mend, and doing better.

I've been fortunate to be surrounded by more people who are compassionate and understand what I'm going through than people who are giving me snarky remarks that aren't helpful at all. I feel blessed by all of you who have been there for me, prayed for me, sent me something, called me, etc. Thank you all for your love and support!

Saturday, January 18, 2014


1. It has been two months since I last posted.
2. I should be doing something else right now but I'm putting it off.
3. Hubby and kids are not home to interrupt me.

Well then, it looks like its time for another blog post! I noticed that I was blogging about Doterra oils before. So I should update my experience there. I went ahead and signed up for them. I have been enjoying them. My favorite blend now is "Elevation"- it really elevates you! Well, it does for me anyhow. I really love that oil. I kind of wish I could just go swimming in that oil- its that nice! I also really enjoy Wild Orange. I put that in my chocolate shakes. I'm actually doing Chocolate bliss again, and it is a wonderful accompaniment.

I had a miscarriage last month. The miscarriage itself was pretty sad, but the hardest thing is all my body's shifting hormones. It is so hard to keep up with life and taking care of my kids with how I've been feeling. I think I'm going to take the advice from some friends and get some progesterone cream. I have all the symptoms of not enough progesterone. Part of my ongoing problem is lack of sleep. I get really tired very early. Like for example, its 6 pm and I could go and fall asleep right now. But how much good would that do at 2 in the morning? It just doesn't make sense. And then by the time I go to bed I feel wired and I can't sleep until midnight or later and then my kids come and wake me up around 6:30 or 7 am each morning and so things just seem to be tricky.

I remember when I was young and my Dad would sometimes take all of us somewhere at my mom's insistence. Now I completely understand why she felt that way. When you are a mom, your job is 24-7 and you don't get paid time off or any time off really. If you are really lucky then your husband lets you take a mommy vacation on a rare moment. Or, maybe if you are the luckiest then you don't need one because for some reason your kids don't stress you out at all. (Personally, I've never met someone who openly admitted this to me. I wouldn't recommend doing that, by the way, if that is how you truly feel. You'll make all of us tired, depressed, angry moms feel like THE "S" WORD.)

The other sad thing about having a miscarriage is that you become very afraid to even try again. You think- what if I have to go through this AGAIN?! For some people, their hormones don't go as crazy as others. But for me, if I have to go through this again...well, I think I will probably need intense therapy for months on end. You might also think- (if you believe in a pre-Earth life) is God going to send that same baby to me the next time I get pregnant? Or is that baby now off the list? Should I make a memorial for that baby or will they end up with someone else since my body rejected their fetus? A big part of me wants to let go, but we had already started thinking of names and what not and now I'm not sure if I should use that name in the future if we should be so lucky.

My family and I recently saw "Frozen" in the theater. It was an instant favorite. I loved the scene where Elsa finally begins to accept who she is. She sings a song about letting go. I think that's kind of the theme of my life right now. The song often goes through my head. "Let it go, let it go..." Today was a huge clothing purge day. For so many years I have held onto clothing that I either wasn't going to wear ever again or clothing that is too small and I kept hoping I'd maybe shrink into it again. I finally chose to purge the clothing and I'm feeling pretty good about it. It's interesting how there is a certain rush I get from acquiring new things, but then there is also this awesome rush that I get from just getting rid of stuff- even if I get no money for it in return. Its just funny and interesting I think.

Well, I must go now sorry for the abrupt ending...


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